Friday, October 8, 2010

Hello all!

While it has been a fabulous journey for me to write this blog, it's time for me to move on to other projects. I am not, however, leaving you without the rest of my sex advice! Where's the rest of it? It's available! Free from me via a PDF of the whole book. Just write to me at and I'll send The Geek's Guide to Getting the Girl to you! Hey, and it's available as a Kindle book on for only 0.99! What a deal!

The remaining sections in the Sexploits chapter include:

Getting Her Off

Things You Need to Tell Her (or Not)

How to Tell if She Likes What You're Doing

Oral Sex Tips

So now I'll close with my words from the last chapter of the book:

As you bring your new dating skills into the world and embark upon some risk-taking, I have a few last words of advice:

Share your skills. You’re a computer expert? You can hook up a hi-def TV in sixty seconds? Let it be known! You’d be amazed at how many single women (well, people in general, but we don’t care about them) need help from time to time, even if they don’t want to admit it. Offering to help is a great way to meet and get to know friends of friends and workplace acquaintances.

Quit worrying about getting older. You may be losing your hair. At twenty-five. Or it may be going gray. Maybe you used to be skinny and now suddenly you’ve got this paunch. At your twenty-year high school reunion, it’s the men who are sneering at your lack of hair and your wrinkles, not the women. Women don’t care. Neither should you.

Don’t be a pushover. I hear men complain about women who say they want a nice, sensitive guy, but when they find him, they dump him. The truth? Women don’t dump nice guys. They dump pushovers. Don’t let being desperate turn you into a milquetoast. Have an opinion. Don’t let her get her way all the time. She’ll lose respect for you if you do.

Don’t settle. Resources are not scarce. Don’t let your state of desperation lead to marrying the first woman you date for more than a month. I’ve seen too many geeks marry their first girlfriend and come to regret it. And these same guys are too damn nice to divorce her. Which leaves the rest of us single women without hope of ever snagging you. Not fair to us, not fair to you. Don’t marry your first girlfriend.

And let me tell you a secret that I’ve hidden from you until now: Other men envy you. Yes, even the men with tanned, cocoa-buttered chests and devastating smiles. Why? Because women find you approachable. You don’t judge people by how they look and the world in turn treats you the same. The geek culture you come from is accepting of all kinds of people, so you’ll talk to anyone--and actually listen to them.

Other men envy you because you genuinely like life and have time to enjoy it. You have hobbies you pursue with a passion, not because you have nothing better to do with your time but because you love what you do. You have freedom most men don’t have at your age, precisely because you aren’t married and don’t have kids who gobble up all your leisure time.

Other men envy you because women find you interesting. You have a brain and you’re willing to use it even though you aren’t in college anymore. The best conversations most people have are the ones they had in college staying up late at night discussing some arcane theory. As a geek, you continue to engage in contemplating the universe while most people turn twenty-two and never again seriously think about anything. They’ve formed their opinions, they’ve gained all the knowledge about the world they think they need, and they’re done. You are not like that, and women find that attractive.

Other men envy you because of your technical know-how, scientific background and affinity for computers guarantee that you will get ahead and stay ahead financially. It’s a geek’s world now.

Start looking around and you’ll see it. Women (over twenty-five) are more likely to talk to you than the Charmer. And people are more genuinely interested in your opinion than in the opinion of the Man, whose thoughts are easily guessed and never deviate from the party line.

You’ve become the High-Functioning Geek and now nothing can hold you back. Not even an immovable object. Because you, as an irresistible object, cannot logically exist in a universe where there is an immovable object!

Good Luck! And feel free to email me at

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Sexual Etiquette, Part Two

Don’t scrimp on the foreplay. Foreplay will never go on too long for her. I don’t mean that no amount of time is too long, I mean that when she’s done with foreplay, she’ll be desperately pulling you on top of her and putting you inside, so don’t worry about doing too much of it. She’ll let you know.

Don’t put all your weight on her unless she says it’s okay. Most men weigh enough that pressing all of their weight on a woman will crush her ribs, or, if nothing else, make breathing difficult.

Don’t lean on her hair either with your hands or your head. Move her hair out of your way first.

When she’s doing something you don’t like, say something. But rather than say “no” or “stop,” which can be insulting, give her direction about what you do want. Directions during sex that are given in the affirmative (“I really like it when you xxx”) rather than the negative (“Doing xxx does nothing for me sexually”) are much more helpful (to both you and her), and won’t hurt her feelings because you’re not telling her she’s doing something “wrong.” No one likes to be wrong sexually.

Let her initiate going down on you. Do not pull or push her head down. Sometimes a woman doesn’t feel like doing it, and some women never want to do it. Never force or coerce her. This will set you apart from other men and show you as a better lover. Appalling that some men are so inconsiderate. But true.

Afterward, consider asking if you can get her anything.

Staying awake for snuggling afterward can be nice. If you are going to fall asleep (as many men do and most experienced women understand), say something so she doesn't feel ignored or used—like “You were so amazing, you've worn me out.”

Jumping up to take a shower or wash the smell of her off your mouth, hands, etc. will make her feel dirty, and like you really didn’t want to be going down on her/touching her. But don’t be insulted if she jumps up and runs to the bathroom right after. Some women get urinary tract infections quite easily and peeing after sex helps avoid UTIs.

Ask her what you could do more of next time and tell her what you liked in the afterglow of sex--not like two minutes after you’ve orgasmed but five or ten minutes. Don’t be afraid to ask more than once. Just not every time. Every time makes you seem insecure… You could say something like “You seemed to like [this particular activity], did you?” or “Is there anything I could have done more of?”

Friday, October 1, 2010

Sexual Etiquette, Part One

Have trimmed, filed nails. And make sure the skin on your hands is smooth too. The last thing you want to do is scratch her tender, sensitive skin when you’re making love to her. She will not want you to touch her there again.

Make sure it’s warm enough in the bedroom for no clothes to be on. Close the window and turn on the heat if necessary. Conversely, if it’s a hot summer night, make sure it’s cool enough. Open a window, and turn on a fan.

Be entirely certain she wants to! Don’t assume that since you did it on your last date that she wants to continue in that vein. Ask “Is this okay?”

Do it in a bed, especially at first. Experimentation can be saved for later. The back seat of a car, the floor of a barn, on the ground in the woods is too rough on the back.

Music can be a nice touch, but some women, especially when first sleeping with someone, can find any sound or visual stimulation distracting. Forgo mood music until you know what she likes better. And leave the lights dim--not because she’s modest but because a bright light bulb shining in the eyes can be irritating and distracting from the activity at hand.

Compliment her body. Women love to feel powerful, seductive, sexy. Simply saying “You are so beautiful,” or “You have an amazingly sexy body” is perfect. Any woman will love to hear that. Or notice some detail about her body and say “I love this [part or nook]”--only don't say “I love this part on *women's* bodies.” She doesn't want to hear about other women—leave that part off.

On Tuesday: Sexual Etiquette, Part Two

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Sexploits: The Basics

Wear underwear without rips in it. There are probably women out there who like the tighty whitey. I just don’t know any. Wear boxers or boxer briefs.

As to manscaping, being clean is really what is most important. If your pubic hair is particularly wild and crazy, consider trimming it. If you like mouth on testicle action, shaving down there will get you more of what you want. Do what you find comfortable in regards to hair removal in your nether regions. It's not that big a deal to most women.

When making love, like a boy scout, be prepared. You should have the following at close hand:

• Clean sheets, preferably 100% cotton and a high thread count (300 or higher) or silk or satin. Avoid flannel—it'll remind her of your grandmother.

• Condoms, in a new box if this is your first time with her. It’s way tacky to use condoms from a box that’s already open and missing some condoms. Yeah, she knows/assumes you’ve slept with other women, but she doesn’t want to have to be reminded of it as you are both lying there naked together.

• Lubrication. A full bottle--see reason above. Any number of brands are fine--particularly good are Astroglide and Slippery Stuff.

• A glass of water. Or two.

• Tissues and/or a hand towel. Do I need to be specific about why?

• Candles and a lighter, if you wish

Advanced items:

If you must have massage oil, get the kind that does not stain sheets. Most kinds commonly available do stain sheets. The brands that won’t are generally available at sex toy shops or, for the shy, on the Internet.

As to bubble bath and other bathtub accoutrements? Forget about it. It's really hard to get comfortable in a bathtub, even a large one, with another person, and she may not be at ease with you seeing her naked body exposed in that way and from those potentially unflattering angles.

Like massage oil and bubble bath, bondage tape, handcuffs, etc. are unnecessary. If you're into them and she is too, and you're comfortable with it, fine. But the reality is you don't need any of it.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Here’s the bad news: what some women prefer, others don't, and what some women don't like, others can't get enough of. And, oh, yeah, the same woman can *not* want the same thing she loved the last time you did it.

The good news: you can always resort to (surprise!) asking her what she likes. I know this concept is novel, but it actually works. Except with the woman who doesn’t know what she wants until you help her discover it...

While I do plan on writing about technique, remember that a woman is not a car engine, and she doesn’t want to be treated like a machine that needs to be figured out. Focusing on technique distances you from your partner. You may be stimulating her breasts exactly right according to some article you read in Maxim, but if you aren’t paying attention to how she is reacting in that moment to the stimulation, you may be annoying her.

Connect to your partner. Pay attention to the moment. And to her. *That* is what is important—not some suave technique.

You may be nervous, or you may be so tuned in to your own orgasm that you have your eyes closed the whole time you’re making love. Open your eyes. Look at your partner during sex. She doesn’t want to be your masturbation toy, and she doesn’t want to think that you could be picturing someone else behind those closed eyes while you’re inside her.

The keys to being a great lover?

1. Act confident (even when you aren't confident).

2. Approach her and your lovemaking with curiosity. You don't need to “know” everything. Learning about each other through the process is fun and creates more intimacy than diving in and doing it the way you were told to by some supposedly very experienced friend (male or female).

3. Be present with her in the moment.

I will repeat this again: being a great lover is not about "perfect" technique or an encyclopedic range of "moves" or vast amounts of experience. It's about being present and connected.

Up next: The Basics

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Dry Spell

But what is the relevance of anything in these last few posts about identifying your your match if you can’t even manage to get *any* dates, much less find a mate or girlfriend? Let’s say a year has passed and you’ve implemented the recommended changes on this blog, and you’re still at home every Saturday night, looking at pictures of Jupiter on the National Geographic Web site with no dates in sight. Is it hopeless?

All of us have dry spells. Even yearlong ones. If you have a life you love and someone to bitch to (preferably someone in your same dateless circumstance--partnered people will have no patience with you), you can get through a dry spell.

If it’s more than a dry spell, be really honest with yourself:
*Are you making dating and socializing a priority? If you live in Alaska, you aren’t making it a priority. Which is fine if you really love Alaska. But quit your complaining about not being able to find a girlfriend.
*Have you done all you could to be available and attractive (i.e., followed *all* the advice in this book)? Do you have an online profile? Have you lost some weight? *Do you have interesting hobbies?
*Do you need a reality check from a brutally honest friend about what you do that puts women off? Ask a friend about the kind of first impression you make. Are you a loud, abrasive know-it-all? Do you tell stories that put you in a bad light--either by being painfully boring or by highlighting your least appealing traits? Do you give off an aloof, cold, unavailable vibe? Being shy can make a person seem distant and unapproachable.
*Lastly, do you have emotional issues that need to be worked out in therapy?

If you can be truthful with yourself and then *do* something about it, you will not want for dates.

Friday, September 17, 2010

What Do Women Want?

The Physical
Women tend to be less picky than men about looks and weight but we do have standards:
*Clean clipped fingernails. No one wants to get scratched with a rough nail.
*Thighs that are larger than hers.
*Two eyebrows. No unibrows please!
*A reasonable level of physical strength. Okay, so we’re a little shallow.

*Takes care of his health. Men typically die earlier--we don’t want you to make it worse.
*Shows public displays of affection.
*Knows how to give a massage.
*Is good in bed.
*Has a clean bathroom.
*Thinks and says her body is the sexiest thing ever.
*Doesn’t look at other women, particularly when you’re together. (She will find out if you’re looking at other women when she isn’t around.)
*Is a good storyteller.

Personality Traits
*Is silly, makes her laugh. Remember: quoting Monty Python is not funny. Neither are puns. (Okay, sometimes puns are funny but *you* can’t tell the difference between the funny ones and the un-funny ones. So avoid them.)
*Is verbally, emotionally expressive.
*Is spontaneous.
*Has some trait or accomplishment she can be proud of: really good-looking, successful, smart, entrepreneurial or nurturing. You don’t have to be all of those things. One will do. Women like to brag about their beaus. Give her something she can brag about.
*Is stable (financially, emotionally).
*Is fiercely loyal.
*Is thoughtful--once might have been called chivalry. Remember to have her favorite candy or chips on hand when she comes over to watch a movie. Ask about the work project she talked about last time you were together. Bring her hot soup when she’s sick.

That's what we want!