tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40413967136979603732024-03-12T20:55:13.224-07:00The Geek's Guide to Getting the GirlA blog for male, heterosexual geeks who need a little dating help.Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.comBlogger123125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-12482019275916185452010-10-08T13:02:00.000-07:002010-10-08T13:02:00.549-07:00Hello all!While it has been a fabulous journey for me to write this blog, it's time for me to move on to other projects. I am not, however, leaving you without the rest of my sex advice! Where's the rest of it? It's available! Free from me via a PDF of the whole book. Just write to me at gettingthegirl@gmail.com and I'll send The Geek's Guide to Getting the Girl to you! Hey, and it's available asElizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-4916900447577652222010-10-05T18:54:00.000-07:002010-10-05T18:57:26.489-07:00Sexual Etiquette, Part TwoDon’t scrimp on the foreplay. Foreplay will never go on too long for her. I don’t mean that no amount of time is too long, I mean that when she’s done with foreplay, she’ll be desperately pulling you on top of her and putting you inside, so don’t worry about doing too much of it. She’ll let you know.Don’t put all your weight on her unless she says it’s okay. Most men weigh enough that pressing Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-91705984852958664372010-10-01T15:27:00.000-07:002010-10-01T15:35:50.111-07:00Sexual Etiquette, Part OneHave trimmed, filed nails. And make sure the skin on your hands is smooth too. The last thing you want to do is scratch her tender, sensitive skin when you’re making love to her. She will not want you to touch her there again.Make sure it’s warm enough in the bedroom for no clothes to be on. Close the window and turn on the heat if necessary. Conversely, if it’s a hot summer night, make sure it’sElizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-73696126394399383502010-09-28T20:05:00.000-07:002010-09-28T20:05:00.881-07:00Sexploits: The BasicsWear underwear without rips in it. There are probably women out there who like the tighty whitey. I just don’t know any. Wear boxers or boxer briefs.As to manscaping, being clean is really what is most important. If your pubic hair is particularly wild and crazy, consider trimming it. If you like mouth on testicle action, shaving down there will get you more of what you want. Do what you find Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-59266724912105673622010-09-24T11:56:00.000-07:002010-09-24T12:05:22.458-07:00SexploitsHere’s the bad news: what some women prefer, others don't, and what some women don't like, others can't get enough of. And, oh, yeah, the same woman can *not* want the same thing she loved the last time you did it. The good news: you can always resort to (surprise!) asking her what she likes. I know this concept is novel, but it actually works. Except with the woman who doesn’t know what she Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-49926972638604059652010-09-21T12:04:00.000-07:002010-09-21T12:04:00.612-07:00The Dry SpellBut what is the relevance of anything in these last few posts about identifying your your match if you can’t even manage to get *any* dates, much less find a mate or girlfriend? Let’s say a year has passed and you’ve implemented the recommended changes on this blog, and you’re still at home every Saturday night, looking at pictures of Jupiter on the National Geographic Web site with no dates in Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-19991501702663221032010-09-17T12:59:00.000-07:002010-09-17T12:59:00.166-07:00What Do Women Want?The PhysicalWomen tend to be less picky than men about looks and weight but we do have standards:*Clean clipped fingernails. No one wants to get scratched with a rough nail.*Thighs that are larger than hers.*Two eyebrows. No unibrows please!*A reasonable level of physical strength. Okay, so we’re a little shallow.Behaviors*Takes care of his health. Men typically die earlier--we don’t want you to Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-79333424366284228352010-09-14T12:56:00.000-07:002010-09-14T12:56:00.261-07:00Values to Match OnThe last item you must match on is not exactly a value. It’s the kids or no kids question. It’s okay to be undecided on whether you want kids or not, but if you have a strong desire one way or the other and you are dating in order to meet your wife, you need to find a way to make your opinion known early on. Online dating services are great because most of them have the kids question as one of Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-91174948595403075452010-09-10T12:54:00.000-07:002010-09-10T12:54:00.288-07:00Her Fighting StyleHow can you tell what her style is? If you’ve been together for a year, it’s probably easy to tell. If you haven’t had an argument during that time, she’s an Avoider (and you probably are too). If you’ve had several arguments where she has ended up crying or yelling, she’s probably a Debater. And if you’ve had calm conversations sitting on the couch where it felt like you were in a therapy Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-63955657547559143182010-09-07T12:48:00.000-07:002010-09-07T12:48:00.629-07:00Fighting StyleAnother arena in which you'll need to find compatibility is in your fighting style. I wrote about this recently. But let's review. There are different appropriate ways to handle conflict. Some avoid it. Some confront it head on and are very emotionally expressive in these interactions. Others negotiate. None of these styles is bad or wrong. But mix an Avoider with a Debater, and you’ve got a Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-37285705401829082462010-09-03T12:45:00.000-07:002010-09-03T12:48:48.311-07:00Apathy vs. InvolvementAnother value on which you'll want to match a long-term partner is your level of apathy/involvement, which shows up in different arenas: politics, your own health, the environment, etc. Are you more of a laissez-faire sort of person? Do you think there isn’t much you can do to improve your health, that it’s mostly determined by biology, so why exercise, see a doctor regularly or eat healthy? Do Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-46810947126475976752010-08-31T16:43:00.000-07:002010-08-31T16:43:00.356-07:00The Meaning of LifeAnother Life Value you should share with a long-term partner is the Meaning of Life. There’s a larger difference between pet owners and non-pet owners than between cat and dog people. It’s a difference of kind versus degree. You don’t necessarily have to have identical ideas about the meaning of life and/or spirituality, but if one of you is a complete materialist and the other is spiritual (by Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-27561452039338333372010-08-17T16:37:00.000-07:002010-08-17T16:37:00.386-07:00Connectedness vs. IndependenceAnother "life value" that you'll want to share in order to have long-term relationship success is your preference for connectedness.This area can be represented as a wheel with a series of spokes of different lengths. When you overlay your wheel onto hers they should be close to identical. Each spoke represents a different aspect of social connectedness. One spoke represents how closed your Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-14903455674596288652010-08-13T16:33:00.000-07:002010-08-13T16:33:00.244-07:00Security vs.Freedom, What to Look For?If you tend toward the predictable in your own life, you’ll want to look for the following in a potential girlfriend:*Financial security: has no credit-card debt, has a stable job in a readily employable career, owns a house/condo.*Calm demeanor: meditates, is in a job where she uses listening skills (therapist, mediator, judge, teacher).*Planning: keeps a personal calendar, makes lists. If you Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-38121195728154912142010-08-10T13:52:00.000-07:002010-08-10T13:52:00.732-07:00Security vs. FreedomFor a long-term relationship to work, you'll want to share your basic life values. Among those basic life values is whether you prefer security or freedom.People who prefer security to freedom gravitate to jobs that offer good benefits and employment stability. They have an emergency fund in the bank. They love planning for events, vacations and projects. More often than not, they know what they Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-32100183023723904972010-08-06T11:58:00.000-07:002010-08-06T11:58:00.720-07:00What Do You Really Want?Why am I addressing this so far along in the blog? Why did I not address it right off? Because what you want does not matter. At least not when you’re first dating. But as you progress along in your dating prowess, at some point you will be looking for The One and then you will want to be more choosy. And when that time comes (give it at least a year of dating practice,) you do need to be clear Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-10872096469227163142010-08-03T11:54:00.000-07:002010-08-03T11:54:00.843-07:00Fighting WrapupThe Least You Can Do:Identify your fighting style. Are you a Yielder? an Avoider? a Debater? a Winner? or a Compromiser?Reflect back on your last week or month and identify a problem you have with someone that needs to be resolved. And then practice conflict resolution with someone with whom it’s less threatening to do so than an intimate partner, such as a parent, co-worker or sibling.Identify Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-51761478045765201622010-07-30T11:51:00.000-07:002010-07-30T11:54:09.621-07:00Breaking UpWhat if this really is the end? Do it in person. Never break up over the phone or via email. I’m not talking about a one date “relationship.” In that case, the phone or email--or even never calling her back--is fine because it’s not a breakup since you were never really together. It’s the coward’s way out, though, not to do it face to face if you did have a relationship. Also you’ll never get Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-10268483178375247332010-07-27T17:05:00.000-07:002010-07-27T17:05:00.307-07:00What are fights about?Fights are often not about what they appear to be about at first glance. Does it drive you nuts when your partner corrects your pronunciation--even when she’s right (which she always is)? What is that about? Does it bug you because being wrong in the household you grew up in meant that you were stupid? Or did your family correct each other with sarcasm and demeaning comments, rather than Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-35490621836384371582010-07-23T17:01:00.000-07:002010-07-23T17:01:00.308-07:00More Notes on FightingKeep in mind: (1) No fight, except maybe some fights between Compromisers, will follow all of the rules set out in the last few posts. You will almost never get a fight right. And that’s okay. You always get a second chance to make the fight right. Don’t avoid the touchy subject because it caused a fight that had no resolution. It can be hard to bring the topic up again later when you’ve calmed Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-1455111581216882462010-07-20T16:57:00.000-07:002010-07-20T16:57:00.268-07:00Things to Say and Not Say During a Fight, Part 3Avoid sarcasm. It’s demeaning. Also avoid the martyr’s version of sarcasm: “Fine, fine, I’ll just shut up and never say another word since I clearly can’t get anything right. No, no, I’m saying you’re absolutely right. I’m a terrible person.” Don’t tell her she shouldn’t be angry or hurt because you weren’t trying to piss her off or hurt her. You did piss her off and you did hurt her. It might Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-80247980990225195022010-07-16T19:24:00.000-07:002010-07-16T19:24:00.607-07:00Things to Say and Not Say During a Fight, Part 2Continuing from last time...Stay on point. When she complains about your dirty dishes, maybe you have a complaint too. You might leave dirty dishes in her sink but she leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor. That is irrelevant to the conversation. Yes, it’s a slob’s behavior as well, but it is not the present topic of conversation and you’re only bringing it up because you feel defensive. If youElizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-34439278578969679262010-07-13T19:19:00.000-07:002010-07-13T19:19:00.216-07:00Things to Say and Not Say During a FightEveryone loves the overgeneralization in fights. Don’t go there. I’m not just talking about the “you *always* leave your shit lying around” or “you *never* initiate sex any more” (or “*everyone* loves overgeneralizing”). Always and never statements are obvious no-nos. The more invasive and sneaky overgeneralizations involve using one instance of a bad behavior to ascribe a personality trait to Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-72281844511273340292010-07-09T19:15:00.000-07:002010-07-09T19:15:00.532-07:00How to Fight: Soothing Yourself and Your PartnerLearn how to soothe yourself and your partner. Do you know what calms you down emotionally? If you don’t, you need to figure it out so you can have emotional conversations. You also need to find out what helps your partner to calm down. Are there things you do in a fight that cause her emotional distress, e.g., talking too loudly or yelling, bringing up sensitive topics without inoculating (e.g.,Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-49839415879964460922010-07-06T19:00:00.000-07:002010-07-06T19:00:02.460-07:00How to Fight: TimingTiming. People pick bad times to have fights as a protective measure. They start fights when the time will be limited (when the other person is on his way out the door to work or during the commercial break of a favorite TV show) so they know there is a definite end time to the discomfort of having a fight. Or they pick fights at social occasions because they know their partner won’t be a Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0