tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40413967136979603732012-02-16T03:25:46.108-08:00A blog for male, heterosexual geeks who need a little dating help.Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.comBlogger1231100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-12482019275916185452010-10-08T13:02:00.000-07:002010-10-08T13:02:00.549-07:00

Hello all!While it has been a fabulous journey for me to write this blog, it's time for me to move on to other projects. I am not, however, leaving you without the rest of my sex advice! Where's the rest of it? It's available! Free from me via a PDF of the whole book. Just write to me at gettingthegirl@gmail.com and I'll send The Geek's Guide to Getting the Girl to you! Hey, and it's available as

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-4916900447577652222010-10-05T18:54:00.000-07:002010-10-05T18:57:26.489-07:00

Don’t scrimp on the foreplay. Foreplay will never go on too long for her. I don’t mean that no amount of time is too long, I mean that when she’s done with foreplay, she’ll be desperately pulling you on top of her and putting you inside, so don’t worry about doing too much of it. She’ll let you know.Don’t put all your weight on her unless she says it’s okay. Most men weigh enough that pressing

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Have trimmed, filed nails. And make sure the skin on your hands is smooth too. The last thing you want to do is scratch her tender, sensitive skin when you’re making love to her. She will not want you to touch her there again.Make sure it’s warm enough in the bedroom for no clothes to be on. Close the window and turn on the heat if necessary. Conversely, if it’s a hot summer night, make sure it’s

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-73696126394399383502010-09-28T20:05:00.000-07:002010-09-28T20:05:00.881-07:00

Wear underwear without rips in it. There are probably women out there who like the tighty whitey. I just don’t know any. Wear boxers or boxer briefs.As to manscaping, being clean is really what is most important. If your pubic hair is particularly wild and crazy, consider trimming it. If you like mouth on testicle action, shaving down there will get you more of what you want. Do what you find

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-59266724912105673622010-09-24T11:56:00.000-07:002010-09-24T12:05:22.458-07:00

Here’s the bad news: what some women prefer, others don't, and what some women don't like, others can't get enough of. And, oh, yeah, the same woman can *not* want the same thing she loved the last time you did it. The good news: you can always resort to (surprise!) asking her what she likes. I know this concept is novel, but it actually works. Except with the woman who doesn’t know what she

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-49926972638604059652010-09-21T12:04:00.000-07:002010-09-21T12:04:00.612-07:00

But what is the relevance of anything in these last few posts about identifying your your match if you can’t even manage to get *any* dates, much less find a mate or girlfriend? Let’s say a year has passed and you’ve implemented the recommended changes on this blog, and you’re still at home every Saturday night, looking at pictures of Jupiter on the National Geographic Web site with no dates in

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-19991501702663221032010-09-17T12:59:00.000-07:002010-09-17T12:59:00.166-07:00

The PhysicalWomen tend to be less picky than men about looks and weight but we do have standards:*Clean clipped fingernails. No one wants to get scratched with a rough nail.*Thighs that are larger than hers.*Two eyebrows. No unibrows please!*A reasonable level of physical strength. Okay, so we’re a little shallow.Behaviors*Takes care of his health. Men typically die earlier--we don’t want you to

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-79333424366284228352010-09-14T12:56:00.000-07:002010-09-14T12:56:00.261-07:00

The last item you must match on is not exactly a value. It’s the kids or no kids question. It’s okay to be undecided on whether you want kids or not, but if you have a strong desire one way or the other and you are dating in order to meet your wife, you need to find a way to make your opinion known early on. Online dating services are great because most of them have the kids question as one of

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-91174948595403075452010-09-10T12:54:00.000-07:002010-09-10T12:54:00.288-07:00

How can you tell what her style is? If you’ve been together for a year, it’s probably easy to tell. If you haven’t had an argument during that time, she’s an Avoider (and you probably are too). If you’ve had several arguments where she has ended up crying or yelling, she’s probably a Debater. And if you’ve had calm conversations sitting on the couch where it felt like you were in a therapy

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-63955657547559143182010-09-07T12:48:00.000-07:002010-09-07T12:48:00.629-07:00

Another arena in which you'll need to find compatibility is in your fighting style. I wrote about this recently. But let's review. There are different appropriate ways to handle conflict. Some avoid it. Some confront it head on and are very emotionally expressive in these interactions. Others negotiate. None of these styles is bad or wrong. But mix an Avoider with a Debater, and you’ve got a

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-37285705401829082462010-09-03T12:45:00.000-07:002010-09-03T12:48:48.311-07:00

Another value on which you'll want to match a long-term partner is your level of apathy/involvement, which shows up in different arenas: politics, your own health, the environment, etc. Are you more of a laissez-faire sort of person? Do you think there isn’t much you can do to improve your health, that it’s mostly determined by biology, so why exercise, see a doctor regularly or eat healthy? Do

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-46810947126475976752010-08-31T16:43:00.000-07:002010-08-31T16:43:00.356-07:00

Another Life Value you should share with a long-term partner is the Meaning of Life. There’s a larger difference between pet owners and non-pet owners than between cat and dog people. It’s a difference of kind versus degree. You don’t necessarily have to have identical ideas about the meaning of life and/or spirituality, but if one of you is a complete materialist and the other is spiritual (by

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Another "life value" that you'll want to share in order to have long-term relationship success is your preference for connectedness.This area can be represented as a wheel with a series of spokes of different lengths. When you overlay your wheel onto hers they should be close to identical. Each spoke represents a different aspect of social connectedness. One spoke represents how closed your

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-14903455674596288652010-08-13T16:33:00.000-07:002010-08-13T16:33:00.244-07:00

If you tend toward the predictable in your own life, you’ll want to look for the following in a potential girlfriend:*Financial security: has no credit-card debt, has a stable job in a readily employable career, owns a house/condo.*Calm demeanor: meditates, is in a job where she uses listening skills (therapist, mediator, judge, teacher).*Planning: keeps a personal calendar, makes lists. If you

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-38121195728154912142010-08-10T13:52:00.000-07:002010-08-10T13:52:00.732-07:00

For a long-term relationship to work, you'll want to share your basic life values. Among those basic life values is whether you prefer security or freedom.People who prefer security to freedom gravitate to jobs that offer good benefits and employment stability. They have an emergency fund in the bank. They love planning for events, vacations and projects. More often than not, they know what they

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-32100183023723904972010-08-06T11:58:00.000-07:002010-08-06T11:58:00.720-07:00

Why am I addressing this so far along in the blog? Why did I not address it right off? Because what you want does not matter. At least not when you’re first dating. But as you progress along in your dating prowess, at some point you will be looking for The One and then you will want to be more choosy. And when that time comes (give it at least a year of dating practice,) you do need to be clear

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-10872096469227163142010-08-03T11:54:00.000-07:002010-08-03T11:54:00.843-07:00

The Least You Can Do:Identify your fighting style. Are you a Yielder? an Avoider? a Debater? a Winner? or a Compromiser?Reflect back on your last week or month and identify a problem you have with someone that needs to be resolved. And then practice conflict resolution with someone with whom it’s less threatening to do so than an intimate partner, such as a parent, co-worker or sibling.Identify

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-51761478045765201622010-07-30T11:51:00.000-07:002010-07-30T11:54:09.621-07:00

What if this really is the end? Do it in person. Never break up over the phone or via email. I’m not talking about a one date “relationship.” In that case, the phone or email--or even never calling her back--is fine because it’s not a breakup since you were never really together. It’s the coward’s way out, though, not to do it face to face if you did have a relationship. Also you’ll never get

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-10268483178375247332010-07-27T17:05:00.000-07:002010-07-27T17:05:00.307-07:00

Fights are often not about what they appear to be about at first glance. Does it drive you nuts when your partner corrects your pronunciation--even when she’s right (which she always is)? What is that about? Does it bug you because being wrong in the household you grew up in meant that you were stupid? Or did your family correct each other with sarcasm and demeaning comments, rather than

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-35490621836384371582010-07-23T17:01:00.000-07:002010-07-23T17:01:00.308-07:00

Keep in mind: (1) No fight, except maybe some fights between Compromisers, will follow all of the rules set out in the last few posts. You will almost never get a fight right. And that’s okay. You always get a second chance to make the fight right. Don’t avoid the touchy subject because it caused a fight that had no resolution. It can be hard to bring the topic up again later when you’ve calmed

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-1455111581216882462010-07-20T16:57:00.000-07:002010-07-20T16:57:00.268-07:00

Avoid sarcasm. It’s demeaning. Also avoid the martyr’s version of sarcasm: “Fine, fine, I’ll just shut up and never say another word since I clearly can’t get anything right. No, no, I’m saying you’re absolutely right. I’m a terrible person.” Don’t tell her she shouldn’t be angry or hurt because you weren’t trying to piss her off or hurt her. You did piss her off and you did hurt her. It might

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-80247980990225195022010-07-16T19:24:00.000-07:002010-07-16T19:24:00.607-07:00

Continuing from last time...Stay on point. When she complains about your dirty dishes, maybe you have a complaint too. You might leave dirty dishes in her sink but she leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor. That is irrelevant to the conversation. Yes, it’s a slob’s behavior as well, but it is not the present topic of conversation and you’re only bringing it up because you feel defensive. If you

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-34439278578969679262010-07-13T19:19:00.000-07:002010-07-13T19:19:00.216-07:00

Everyone loves the overgeneralization in fights. Don’t go there. I’m not just talking about the “you *always* leave your shit lying around” or “you *never* initiate sex any more” (or “*everyone* loves overgeneralizing”). Always and never statements are obvious no-nos. The more invasive and sneaky overgeneralizations involve using one instance of a bad behavior to ascribe a personality trait to

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-72281844511273340292010-07-09T19:15:00.000-07:002010-07-09T19:15:00.532-07:00

Learn how to soothe yourself and your partner. Do you know what calms you down emotionally? If you don’t, you need to figure it out so you can have emotional conversations. You also need to find out what helps your partner to calm down. Are there things you do in a fight that cause her emotional distress, e.g., talking too loudly or yelling, bringing up sensitive topics without inoculating (e.g.,

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-49839415879964460922010-07-06T19:00:00.000-07:002010-07-06T19:00:02.460-07:00

Timing. People pick bad times to have fights as a protective measure. They start fights when the time will be limited (when the other person is on his way out the door to work or during the commercial break of a favorite TV show) so they know there is a definite end time to the discomfort of having a fight. Or they pick fights at social occasions because they know their partner won’t be a

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-75823978733948246912010-07-02T18:52:00.000-07:002010-07-02T18:52:00.551-07:00

The Compromiser. A pair of Compromisers are the classic “perfect” couple. They know how to listen to each other, validate the other person’s feelings, reflect what they hear accurately and are able to state their own feelings and desires in clear and direct ways. At the end of an argument, the couple comes together with a compromise, or one or the other partner yields, though the yielder is not

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-1497895813265604022010-06-29T15:42:00.000-07:002010-06-29T15:42:00.648-07:00

The Debater. The Debater, a common style for the higher-functioning geek, likes to argue. He enjoys the fireworks, the mental challenge, the energy of a fight. Like the Compromiser, he is open and direct about what he thinks, feels and wants. Unlike the Compromiser, where resolution is the goal, the fight itself is the goal for a Debater. Conflicts don’t often get resolved with the Debater.

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-29277493078645932472010-06-25T19:49:00.000-07:002010-06-25T19:49:00.357-07:00

Geek culture has this weird dichotomy. On the one hand, geeks will directly take on a controversial intellectual topic, while, when it comes to emotional conflict, especially if it is in person and not online, geeks are Avoiders. Geeks can argue into the wee hours of the morning about the validity and relevance of string theory and can mercilessly nitpick someone’s grammar online all night long.

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-8467225094515639202010-06-22T19:45:00.000-07:002010-06-22T19:45:00.591-07:00

If you are sleeping together, birth control and disease prevention are both of your responsibility. It’s not just up to her to use birth control. And if you *know* you don’t ever want to have children, get a vasectomy. As you begin to spend more and more time together, you will become aware of the assumptions that you make about life that you didn’t even realize you were making. You will

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Now that you are part of a couple, or potentially part of a couple, you need to keep in mind issues of sharing space and sharing decision-making. You probably live alone and have lived alone since your days in the dorms. Not having a roommate is a good thing. It says to the women you date that you’re grown up, financially stable, etc. It also breeds some bad habits. Like selfish control of the

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-18365821184426453932010-06-14T15:00:00.000-07:002010-06-14T15:00:01.882-07:00

How Much to Spend on Gifts. The first time you buy her a gift is tricky, especially if it’s for a holiday like Christmas where you will both be buying a present for each other. You don’t want to look like a cheapskate if she gives you much more than you got for her. And you don’t want to make her feel bad (or weird) by giving her more than she gives you. Early in a relationship, I suggest that a

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-79354358321826659422010-06-11T14:56:00.000-07:002010-06-11T15:00:20.296-07:00

Gifts Suggestions for the Woman You’re DatingA nostalgic gift, such as an old edition of a book she loved as a girl but doesn’t own or a CD (digital download) of a cheesy band she listened to in high school. These gifts make for great conversation. They also show that you really listen to what she says, since you remembered her talking about how she read The Boxcar Children twelve times in second

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-32050559173861416692010-06-08T13:08:00.000-07:002010-06-08T13:08:00.634-07:00

Other than flowers, gifts are overkill until you have established that you’re in a relationship, not just casually dating. Unless it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re spending it together or a birthday or Christmas/Hanukkah. How Much to Spend. The first time you buy her a gift is tricky, especially if it’s for a holiday like Christmas where you will both be buying a present for each other. You don’t

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-45583443464447235232010-06-04T11:33:00.000-07:002010-06-04T11:33:00.714-07:00

If you’ve been dating for more than a month and you haven’t met and spent time with any of her friends, she’s not that into you. You say “But we’re sleeping together!“ Is she recently divorced/separated? Does it seem like you are her masturbatory toy more than a sexual partner? She is not incorporating you into her life. She may even be ashamed of you and not think you are really good enough for

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-14512712470496291052010-06-01T11:28:00.000-07:002010-06-01T11:28:00.162-07:00

You’ve had some practice dating whomever says yes. You’ve gone out with a bunch of different women and now you think you’ve found someone you could have an Actual Relationship with. You’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks, you’ve investigated the signs and believe that the two of you are clicking and she is as interested as you are. Now what? You’ve moved into the next stage of dating

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-50617372635457101922010-05-28T19:22:00.000-07:002010-05-28T19:22:00.537-07:00

Never say:* “You do look like you’ve gained weight,” or “You look heavier than your photo. Was it taken like five years ago?” Yes, even if she has clearly gained weight and is heavier than advertised.* Criticism of her hair, her wardrobe, her driving, her cooking, her decorating, her dancing. Really just don’t criticize unless she asks for constructive criticism. Which she doesn’t want from you

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-67495659516781646982010-05-25T19:16:00.000-07:002010-05-25T19:19:28.178-07:00

I’ve talked a bit about first dates in posts in December 2009. I have a few more thoughts on the early stages of dating, then next week I’ll begin blogging about Actual Relationships. If you’re still interested at the end of the date, a kiss on the cheek is okay but nothing more unless she seems interested (e.g., she goes for your mouth when you’re aiming for her cheek, or she invites you to her

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-18411217412016276422010-05-21T09:27:00.000-07:002010-05-21T09:28:49.519-07:00

Why, you ask, can’t women just be direct? Why, all of the women of the world ask, can’t men just be direct? Why can’t people say in actual words what it is that they have on their minds? Let me defend the indirect. If you start listening to people, even the people you think of as direct, you’ll realize that humans are almost never truly direct. It almost never occurs that a person says what s/he

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-45638082473584508942010-05-18T18:50:00.000-07:002010-05-18T18:51:56.747-07:00

More translations from the Woman-to-Geek Dictionary…“What do you say you take a break from the computer and we go and get some dinner?” = “Turn that fricking thing off and pay attention to me already!”“I don’t like it when you… .” = “Don’t do that. Ever.”If she asks some kind of random question that seems out of the blue (like “What did you want to be when you grew up?” or “If you went on a game

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-44822924445037710272010-05-14T19:05:00.000-07:002010-05-14T19:05:00.456-07:00

So I’ve covered the one issue of interested/not interested, but what about all the other ambiguous behaviors and phrases of women? For the most part, translation becomes easier the further you get into a relationship. I mean, we are adults here, right? If you don’t know what your girlfriend means, you can ask. However, there are those times when a woman is trying to communicate something and it

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-77744115368724316032010-05-11T18:51:00.000-07:002010-05-11T18:53:13.685-07:00

A couple more signs she’s interested that I forgot to include last week:She laughs at all your jokes. No, you are not that funny, so this is a pretty good indicator. And, of course, the old leaning-so-you-can-see-down-her-shirt move.And now…Clues She Isn’t Interested You suspect she isn’t interested. You’re not sure if she’s interested and you’ve discussed whether she is or isn’t interested with

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-17537567502314326432010-05-07T20:10:00.000-07:002010-05-07T20:10:00.666-07:00

More Clues She’s InterestedShe reveals personal details early on. Personal details might include emotional events like her parents’ divorce or her last breakup or personal information, such as where she lives. ‘Early on’ is within the first three dates. But don’t put a lot of stock in this one. Some women are naturally very open with anyone about their lives. So look for this clue in conjunction

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-14113033652596736672010-05-04T19:39:00.000-07:002010-05-04T19:41:17.067-07:00

Women are complicated creatures. They look for symbolism, nuance, and secret messages in everything the men they are interested in do. This is not because men act in symbolic ways or give off nuanced or ambiguous messages, but because women act in symbolic ways and give off nuanced and ambiguous messages. Women assume that because they themselves do that, men will also. Hence the revelatory

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-71841917359230490262010-04-30T19:46:00.000-07:002010-04-30T19:46:00.749-07:00

Here’s a sample plan for throwing a party for the anal retentive among you.Three Weeks Ahead.*Draft a guest list and gather together the email addresses.*Send out the invitation. Using Evite is an easy way and it will automatically send a reminder a few days before your event. A Few Days Ahead.*Plan your menu and make a grocery list.*Grocery shop for the items that don’t need to be fresh.*Pick up

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-11079644785259505592010-04-27T18:48:00.000-07:002010-04-27T18:49:58.623-07:00

The Dos and Don’ts of Party ThrowingDon’ts*If you decide to go for a theme (retro cocktail party, Hawaiian), don’t insist people dress for it. They’ll never do it unless your acquaintances tend to be especially ovine in their willingness to follow potentially embarrassing instructions (or you live in the Midwest). *Don’t enforce board-game playing. Leave the games out on a table and let it evolve

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-86994074164475258672010-04-23T09:06:00.000-07:002010-04-23T09:10:24.358-07:00

I covered drinks (of the alcoholic variety) on Tuesday, so on to the food!Supplies.Fire extinguisherCandles and wood for the fireplace if you have one, in case of a power outageQuickly accessible cleaning supplies for spills Serving dishesNapkins, forks, knives, spoons, platesFood. Keep it simple. Fancy is not necessary! Avoid foods that will distract you from hosting and mingling--i.e., foods

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-67173400562856766802010-04-20T18:30:00.000-07:002010-04-20T18:33:20.229-07:00

Hopefully you took my advice on Friday and had a selfless weekend. This post is about another kind of weekend. You can meet women at parties, so why not throw one of your own? Even better than a plain old party is the Singles Mixer. Not on the invite list: any one who is part of a couple. This party is strictly for single people. But, you say, all (or most of ) the single people you know are

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-4829902893183776762010-04-16T10:54:00.000-07:002010-04-18T11:05:43.503-07:00

I’m going to assume you don’t have a Narcissistic or Schizoid Personality Disorder nor that you lie somewhere on the Autistic spectrum of disorders (I may be assuming too much). If you do, in fact, suffer from one of these disorders, seek psychiatric help (look up DSM IV codes online to check yourself out). For those of you with ordinary (but annoying) self-centeredness, read on.I received an

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-32691931872185889182010-04-13T18:30:00.000-07:002010-04-13T18:32:36.392-07:00

When I encourage you to set out to be more interesting, am I asking you not to be yourself? Well, how has being you worked out for your dating life? Actually, I’m not asking you to do things you don’t have any interest in. I’m saying don’t stop growing as an individual, keep being curious about new things. Don’t get in a rut. Being in a rut is not the same thing as being satisfied with your life.

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-65507874957914386252010-04-09T18:43:00.000-07:002010-04-09T18:43:00.204-07:00

Wherein I continue writing about how to tell an interesting life story.The two interesting components of a life story are feelings and interpretation--not the literal facts.Feelings. Leave out your feelings and reactions to a situation and the listener can not relate. Tell the listener you had stage fright and suddenly she can empathize. She’s never played chess in front of hundreds of people,

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-69314017290631395532010-04-06T18:37:00.000-07:002010-04-06T18:43:41.234-07:00

Wherein I begin the discussion of how to tell an interesting life story.Take your life as it is right now. You haven’t done anything on your list of things to do before you die. You had a comfortable (read: boring) childhood--dad worked in a white collar job, mom stayed home, you had a dog and a sister, you went to college, you graduated, you got the job you’re in now, never been married, no kids

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-11069881144119546332010-04-02T15:10:00.000-07:002010-04-02T15:11:32.813-07:00

Do Interesting Things. I’m not talking about hobbies here but one-time adventures like taking a road trip or a vacation to an exotic locale, going to see an avant-garde play, or trying new foods. If you have a new adventure to share each time you see someone at a party, she will love talking to you to find out what cool thing you’ve been up to. Exercise: For the next year, say yes to everything

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-66253046559605459532010-03-30T19:48:00.000-07:002010-03-30T19:54:03.276-07:00

A continuation from last week on being interested and interesting…Be Interested in the World at Large. So you’ve got your own hobbies and they’re pretty fantastic. Why care about anything else? Welcome to the world of a ten year old. At least that’s what a therapist once told me when I suggested I could care less about the world. I still can’t believe a therapist would so blatantly suggest I was

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-47527604476397999292010-03-26T18:53:00.000-07:002010-03-26T18:53:00.381-07:00

You are already an interesting person. You have deep, dark secrets--which may not include having killed a man in Vegas just to watch him die--but not having learned to drive until last year (when you were thirty) is interesting. (Was it because of some hideous accident you were in as a child? Did you have a horror of a father who berated you when you were trying to learn?). And you have strange

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-53265637750453945022010-03-23T18:40:00.000-07:002010-03-23T18:46:40.538-07:00

Today I’m writing about a couple more styles of dress that you might want to emulate.The BohemianWhom to Emulate: John CorbettInstead of…Long hairTry…Short hairInstead of…Tie-dye t-shirtTry…Open-neck Indian shirt in white or off-whiteInstead of…Balloon pantsTry…Linen khakisInstead of…Tevas with socksTry…Birkenstocks with no socksThe LarperWhom to Emulate: Christian SlaterInstead of…Long, (often)

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-19959865761490120042010-03-19T16:40:00.000-07:002010-03-19T17:10:36.613-07:00

So you’ve got you’re grooming down, now what do you wear?Underwear. Many women spend more money on their bras, panties and lingerie than on the clothes everyone sees. (Yes, that would be me.) Not that you should do that, but it does bespeak the importance that underwear holds for women. Most men: scary in tighty whiteys, especially ones with holes in them. What makes a man think he’s going to get

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-44772320704241365092010-03-16T09:26:00.000-07:002010-03-16T09:26:00.574-07:00

Fingernails. I’m trusting that you clean your fingernails. I’m also assuming if you have long fingernails (nothing disgusts me more but you don’t want to date me) that nothing I say will deter you from this. However, I do want to mention a beautiful thing called a nail file. I personally prefer the metal sandpapery ones to the emery boards and the cross-hatched metal nail files. They seem more

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-44837344355894061442010-03-12T09:21:00.000-08:002010-03-12T09:22:59.729-08:00

Extraneous Hair. Let’s start with the stuff we can agree on. Extraneous hair is just that. Extraneous. Get rid of it. First, of course, you have to notice it. Check yourself out in the mirror. Nose hairs that stick out, hair growing out of your ear or moles, hair on the top of your nose and long hairs creeping out of your eyebrows like alien feelers: these all need to go. And no unibrows, please.

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-12629297104070528102010-03-09T09:14:00.000-08:002010-03-09T09:14:00.162-08:00

There may be some of you who don’t need posts on looking good--you‘ve already got that part down. Kudos to you for not being that guy who lets his eyebrows grow antennae and wears a trench coat that looks like it stays balled up on the floor when he’s not wearing it and smells like he hasn’t washed it--ever. Then there are some of you who do care about looking good but don’t have a clue. Kudos to

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-17658227287619369952010-03-05T09:04:00.000-08:002010-03-05T09:07:37.237-08:00

Part of being "date-able" is having your "stuff" together. And that includes your finances. Today is the second of two parts about Finances.Have an Emergency Savings Fund. This is not a fund for fixing the refrigerator when it breaks down. You should have a house fund for that. Nor is your emergency fund for going to Vegas. You should have a vacation fund for that. An emergency fund is for actual

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-72681305278156154012010-03-02T10:21:00.000-08:002010-03-02T10:21:00.369-08:00

Whether you have money or not, no one wants to hear about it. Americans in general are uncomfortable discussing money. If you have money problems, keep it to yourself. If someone suggests going somewhere that you can’t afford, don’t say you can’t afford it. That’s your business, not theirs, and, frankly, it’s like saying you have diarrhea. It may be true, but no one wants to hear about it. There

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-60347943007982472712010-02-26T10:08:00.000-08:002010-02-26T10:12:19.032-08:00

You can get away with knowing very little about cooking. You live on your own (you do, don’t you?) so I’m going to assume you know how to boil an egg, slap together a sandwich and cook pasta. Beyond that all you need to know is how to cook a meal for a dinner party, a meal for a dinner date and how to mix a few drinks. You do not need to be able to make anything fancy or complicated. You just

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-19650030181327569472010-02-23T09:50:00.000-08:002010-02-23T09:50:00.661-08:00

As you develop your vision for your house, remember to make it company-friendly. This means plenty of comfortable seating in the living room and several places to rest drinks (a coffee table and a couple of end tables). Seating should be arranged to create conversational circles. Your bathroom should have plenty of toilet paper on hand. Set out an extra roll when entertaining. Throw out your

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-63057101777609908282010-02-19T09:48:00.000-08:002010-02-19T09:50:55.750-08:00

Now that you know the look want for your abode, the next step is to decide which room to start on. I suggest the living room because, as a single person, you’ll find that this room is the most important one. It is where you will do your entertaining (at least initially…). It is the room everyone will see. And it’s probably the largest room in your living space. If it isn’t, it should be. To

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-91526094914885776592010-02-16T18:48:00.000-08:002010-02-16T18:52:05.310-08:00

Your Home: The Basics Live in a building that has character. Don’t live in an apartment in one of those rabbit warren complexes like Peter Gibbons in “Office Space.” Find a cool-looking building to live in. What is cool? Hardwoods are cool. Clawfoot bathtubs are cool. Walls that are anything but white are cool. A building not built in the sixties or seventies is at least cooler than a building

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-7598329971031217532010-02-12T20:00:00.000-08:002010-02-12T20:00:02.138-08:00

You might think the first step in getting the girl is finding her. It’s not. Before you get the girl, you must become a savvy and stylish domestician. What is a domestician? A domestician is someone who knows the art of making a house a home and knows how to handle his finances. A woman does not want to be your mother--and you don’t want her to be. But she will feel an irresistible urge to be

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-66883616861278705362010-02-09T19:52:00.000-08:002010-02-09T19:52:00.438-08:00

Today we look at the last of the types of men who may be your competition in the world of dating: the High-Functioning Geek/Intellectual.Definition: In high school he took AP physics and calculus *and* got laid. What He Has that You Don’t: Social skills. Awareness of popular culture.The Type of Women He Attracts: Smart, self-confident women.What It Tells You about a Woman if Her Last Boyfriend

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-42981030984202727162010-02-05T15:40:00.000-08:002010-02-05T15:42:35.746-08:00

Today I begin writing about the first of two types of men that you may actually be like.First up, The Sensitive Guy. Definition: The Sensitive Guy is the kind of man (almost) every woman says she wants. He can be her best friend and her lover.What He Has that You Don’t: Sensitivity. Communion with his feminine side. Spirituality.The Type of Women He Attracts: Hippie throwbacks. Acupuncturists.

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-4331891424779831792010-02-02T19:06:00.000-08:002010-02-02T19:08:45.606-08:00

Bad Boy Definition: He’s the Charmer gone bad. He may not be suave but he has a way with women. What He Has that You Don’t: Mechanical skills. A motorcycle. An edge.The Type of Women He Attracts: 20somethings. The too-nice girls or recently divorced/separated women. Bad girls.What It Tells You about a Woman if Her Last Boyfriend Was a Bad Boy: She likes being bad. Or she likes to think she likes

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-13759308434847578272010-01-29T16:35:00.000-08:002010-01-29T16:38:00.274-08:00

The next type of man that just might be your competition is the Adventurer. Definition: The Adventurer went to a really good university but didn’t graduate. Instead he started a business that made him rich by the time he was thirty. He likes to try new things but isn’t rash like the Bad Boy (I‘ll discuss him on Tuesday). He doesn’t typically live in one city for more than a few years. What He

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-12015073047393981032010-01-26T19:04:00.000-08:002010-01-26T19:04:00.384-08:00

With the Charmer, I move into talking about rivals whom you might actually want to be like. The Charmer. Definition: He’s suave. He’s good looking. He orders his martinis shaken, not stirred.What He Has that You Don’t: Social skills. Good looks. Fashionable wardrobe. Great body. A cool car.The Type of Women He Attracts: 20somethings.What It Tells You about a Woman if Her Last Boyfriend Was a

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-47487253287313719522010-01-22T18:51:00.000-08:002010-01-22T18:51:00.178-08:00

The third type of man that could be your potential competition in the world of dating is the Loser.The A**hole/Loser/Addict/Abuser. Definition: He’s utterly egotistical. The feelings, wants and needs of others are of no consequence to him. He’s a user: of people and/or controlled substances. What He Has that You Don’t: Ability to accept himself as he is.The Type of Women He Attracts: Women with

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-44152713247789211662010-01-19T10:58:00.000-08:002010-01-19T10:58:00.121-08:00

The Man. Definition: He’s into money, power, expensive toys (electronics, cars, etc.). He’s basically a soul-less Frat Boy all grown up.What He Has that You Don’t: Money. Power. A manly face and body. Hugo Boss and Armani suits.The Type of Women He Attracts: Shallow women. Women who want to be taken care of. Princesses.What It Tells You about a Woman if Her Last Boyfriend Was The Man: She expects

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-29938471680180890212010-01-15T10:48:00.000-08:002010-01-15T10:51:36.803-08:00

Today I start discussing your competition: how to be like them, and how to win against them. I’ll be writing about various “types” of men. Each entry will define a type, what he has that you don't, the kind of women he attracts, how to be more like him (including physical attributes, hobbies and behavior), and, the key ingredient, how to win over a woman when that type is your main competition.

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-55027586365445876252010-01-12T10:07:00.000-08:002010-01-12T10:07:00.582-08:00

In order to be an adept conversationist, you will also need to know how to change the topic of conversation.The last conversational skill I’m going to write about is how to change the topic, either because the old topic is now dead/boring or because you want to talk about something else for whatever reason. Please note that you should not try to change the topic of conversation if the woman still

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-27277432671346013882010-01-08T18:36:00.001-08:002010-01-08T18:38:34.116-08:00

Last time I wrote about the questions you need to be prepared to answer in a social situation, Today, I’m writing about how to tell an anecdote. Think of the people you know who tell really good stories at parties. What about the way s/he tells the story makes it interesting? Make a study of those people and learn from them. In the meantime, here are a couple of tips: Exaggerate. But don’t

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-37519395544199725342010-01-05T19:06:00.000-08:002010-01-05T19:08:58.223-08:00

So you’ve asked some questions of your conversational partner, but now it’s time for you to do some of the talking. What do you say and how do you prepare? Just to be sure, a few words of warning:Do not call her a ‘girl’ because she can’t do certain things (every woman likes to think she’s capable of anything) or similar sexist comments, even if you’re “joking.”Do not refer to a woman (not just

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-44413712636824881102010-01-01T19:11:00.000-08:002010-01-01T19:11:00.207-08:00

Today I continue with some tips on the art of conversation. Adding on to Tuesdays list of topics of conversation, remember to make mental notes of what acquaintances have told you about their activities and follow up the next time you see them (or later in the evening). Remembering that she had to get lasik eye surgery shows that you care about her as a person. Or saying “I couldn’t help but

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-76994962913116485002009-12-29T19:08:00.000-08:002009-12-29T19:08:00.772-08:00

Last week, I covered some of the conversational pitfalls to avoid. But what makes a *good* conversationalist? Being a good conversationalist is about doing most of the conversational work. This does not mean doing most of the talking. In fact, it can mean doing less of the talking than the other person. One aspect of conversational work involves coming up with questions that make people feel

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-6531132612488039812009-12-25T17:11:00.000-08:002009-12-25T17:11:00.194-08:00

Just a few more tips on what not to say in conversation, then next week I'll move to what *to* do.Talking about People the Other Person Doesn’t Know. Telling an anecdote from someone else’s life, someone no one in the current conversation knows, is not usually a good idea unless the story has a strong emotional pull, e.g., they got all their skin burned off in an arson they started. Most people

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-73357407605144623922009-12-22T17:08:00.000-08:002009-12-22T17:08:00.650-08:00

What follows are some basic tips on what *not* to do if you want to be an interesting conversationalist. You may say to yourself about each of these suggestions “that’s obvious,” but I challenge you to listen to yourself the next time you’re at a party and count how many times you start to do anything on this list.Spouting Facts and Correcting People. Now, spouting facts can be interesting, but

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-11777494552071456072009-12-18T12:37:00.000-08:002009-12-18T12:50:09.931-08:00

If she does come over to your place, make sure you have enough toilet paper. Hang a hand towel in the bathroom and the kitchen. Clean cat hair off the couch. She doesn’t want to go home with cat hair stuck to her butt. And clean the cat box. If you have a dog, make sure the yard is clear of poo and the dog has been washed. Even if you can’t smell it, she can. Unless she owns a dog herself, she

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-45294409337124491252009-12-15T19:18:00.000-08:002009-12-15T19:20:39.677-08:00

What to Wear on a First Date. If a woman your age has complimented it (assuming the compliment was within the last year), wear that. Otherwise, ask a woman in your life what you should wear--the girlfriend of a friend, or your gamer girl online friends. But, for God’s sake, don’t ask more than once. Don’t do a poll of everyone you know. You don’t need to obsess about this. Once you’ve picked a

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-11743706194739897582009-12-11T13:54:00.000-08:002009-12-11T14:03:01.207-08:00

How to Pop the Question. No, not that one! We haven’t gotten there yet! I’m talking about asking her out for the first time. When to Ask. If you meet at a party/bar/church (i.e., in person), unless you’re getting a really good vibe, ask for her number but don’t ask her out. If she gives you her number, even a work number, that’s a good sign. If she won’t give you her number, well, aren’t you

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-38793121534926105332009-12-08T19:13:00.000-08:002009-12-08T19:16:44.764-08:00

Speed Dating. Come prepared with interesting questions to ask--not “What do you do for a living”-type questions. Yawn. And not off-the-wall questions that make you sound creepy (“Which serial killer do you find most fascinating?”) or weird (“If you could be any kind of tree, what would you be?”).Some good questions: “What job have you either quit or been fired from?” “Who’s one of your favorite

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-51064531493422063472009-12-04T08:49:00.000-08:002009-12-04T08:50:50.973-08:00

There are arguments to be made both ways on when to meet up for the first time with someone you’ve met online. Getting together right away will dispel all the fantasies that you can build up when you haven’t met, and if you meet earlier on, you’ll know if there’s chemistry or not, which you can’t tell from an online relationship. On the other hand, building a relationship via email may be more

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-67159302651395980482009-12-01T19:22:00.000-08:002009-12-01T20:44:31.075-08:00

Talking on the Phone with Someone You’ve Met Online. I know very few men who like to talk on the phone, and, apparently, women do like to, though I’m not one of them. If you don’t like talking on the phone, don’t feel compelled to do so at length because it will not be to your advantage if you‘re terrible at it. I’ve noticed that men who don’t like to talk on the phone, but feel they have to, end

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-36624704553039457642009-11-27T10:01:00.000-08:002009-11-27T10:05:32.347-08:00

Emailing someone on an online dating site can be intimidating. Here are a few tips to ease your way:Do not refer to her as “angel,” “cutie” or “cutie pie” before you are officially dating (and even then the “cutie pie” should be a teasing sort of reference). Do I actually have to explain why? Apparently I do because I have received several such emails. Would you really walk up to a woman in a bar

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-61813417491654768222009-11-24T18:49:00.000-08:002009-11-24T18:52:13.262-08:00

In describing who you're looking for, it’s okay to be a little general and vague. You don’t want to limit yourself too much, after all! Stick to a couple of the most important qualities you’re looking for. But you do need to list something. To list nothing says you have done no reflection on this topic and have very little insight about people (which may be true, sadly). A woman is more likely to

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-39431306591481597562009-11-20T11:12:00.000-08:002009-11-20T11:29:13.534-08:00

A Little about Yourself. Three sentences is too short. It says: I am not verbal and have trouble communicating. Or, I have no insight into myself. Or, I’m lazy and expect you to do all the work in this relationship. Or, I’m just here to get laid. On the other hand, using up all the space allowed on the site for describing yourself is too long. It says: I am self-involved and never shut up.As to

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-81657174167654130582009-11-17T19:00:00.000-08:002009-11-17T19:01:13.664-08:00

To sum up what I’ve been writing about these past few weeks about (social) anxiety:See your doctor. If your GP thinks you have an anxiety disorder, see a psychiatrist to confirm the diagnosis. Take medication if the psychiatrist tells you to.Get enough sleep most nights of the week (seven hours plus).Get proper nutrition.Cut all caffeine from your diet.Exercise three to five times a week.Use

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-69228976286359826182009-11-13T12:16:00.000-08:002009-11-13T12:19:30.137-08:00

I know I said I was going to address speed dating this week but instead I’m going to jump into online dating and write about speed dating in a few weeks. (I think I should probably do it before I go pontificating about it...) I frankly don’t know why anyone who is single and looking does not use online dating. You have instant access to hundreds of women in your area. You can get a lot of

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-63170829320678542062009-11-11T03:50:00.000-08:002009-11-11T03:53:10.053-08:00

For those who have social anxiety, practice is invaluable. Social Anxiety is a phobia. You’ve undoubtedly heard about methods for eradicating animal phobias using gradual exposure. For example, someone who fears spiders might progress over time from looking at a drawing of a spider, to looking at a photo of one to looking at an actual tarantula in a cage, etc.--all the while using relaxation

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-261720997925437592009-11-06T11:34:00.000-08:002009-11-06T11:37:26.937-08:00

Blind dates. Let everyone know you’re looking. With your friends and family, you can be obvious about it; with others, let it *casually* come out in conversation, even in a joking way. (But please don’t post that you’re looking on your Facebook page, or your Evite profile. Read: desperate!) Accept setups from anyone: relatives, friends or co-workers. It’s one evening out of your life. How bad

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-65342212794524004442009-11-04T19:12:00.000-08:002009-11-04T19:25:30.785-08:00

I spent last evening at the hospital with my dad, which is why I didn’t post yesterday. Sorry for the delay--this one will be longer than usual to make up for my tardiness. Word to the wise: if you think you might be having a heart attack or someone else tells you that she thinks you might be having a heart attack, go to the emergency room. Don’t wait until you’re sure there’s “really” something

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-51455407734164941182009-10-30T10:15:00.000-07:002009-10-30T10:17:23.529-07:00

Though there are many tasks to take care of (the way you dress, the look of your place, how to hold up your end of an interesting conversation, how to compete with certain types of guys, etc.), today I’ll plunge into the deep end and begin writing about where to find women to date. If you haven’t done a lot of dating, you need to say yes to everyone. Because you are practicing and you might as

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-79194643073419148232009-10-27T19:21:00.001-07:002009-10-27T19:21:55.577-07:00

Another useful technique for calming anxiety is meditation. Meditation is not just for religious people. In fact, meditation can be no more complicated or otherworldly focused than the breathing exercise described in last Tuesday’s entry. If you are spiritually inclined, consider taking a meditation class. You can usually find these offered through community centers and colleges/universities that

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-44984418778698474632009-10-23T10:29:00.000-07:002009-10-23T10:31:57.930-07:00

Dating is not easy for anyone--with the rare exception whom I’ve never met but could imagine exists. The fun parts are browsing online profiles, flirting at parties, being set up (but not necessarily the actual date itself), and finding someone you like who returns your affections. The hard parts are:*Writing your online profile*Walking up to a stranger in whom you’re interested and initiating

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-18056942867523206512009-10-20T21:14:00.000-07:002009-10-20T21:16:50.068-07:00

This week I’m writing about breathing and muscle relaxation to help with panic attacks and other anxiety issues. Breathing. Concentrating on your breath helps you relax in the moment and it also helps you to pay attention to your breathing and have better control over it when you’re in an anxiety-provoking situation. If your breathing is relaxed, slow and calm, you will feel less anxiety. Notice

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4041396713697960373.post-74480426853553544012009-10-16T14:59:00.000-07:002009-10-16T15:00:33.583-07:00

Even though you’re desperate, and even though it has been a long time (or maybe you’re a virgin), geeks, in general, seem to have this one under control, if only because you are too shy to act in favor of your own narcissistic impulses. Still I feel obliged to mention this one to caution you about two things. When, *if*, you do sleep with her, remember that she is not a masturbatory tool. She’s

Elizabeth Drakehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09736520007049596482noreply@blogger.com0