A couple more signs she’s interested that I forgot to include last week:
She laughs at all your jokes. No, you are not that funny, so this is a pretty good indicator.
And, of course, the old leaning-so-you-can-see-down-her-shirt move.
And now…
Clues She Isn’t Interested
You suspect she isn’t interested.
You’re not sure if she’s interested and you’ve discussed whether she is or isn’t interested with more than one other person.
She says “I don't feel comfortable giving you my number.” This means “Please don't ask me a third time. Also, quit talking to me.”
She says she will call (or makes any kind of promise, small or large) and doesn’t follow through.
She says "Actually, I'm busy tonight. And this weekend. And next week."
She makes long excuse stories for why she hasn’t called you, including “I’ve been so busy at work/with the holidays/my parents’ visit” and “I moved last weekend.” I am not suggesting that she is lying about being busy or having moved, but if she’s interested, those things would not matter. She would have called.
She takes a long time calling you back. A long time is more than two days.
“I just want to be friends” = “I just want to be friends.”
She says “You remind me of my brother.” This means she does not like you *that* way. Unless her family was really weird.
She turns you into a friend. This is concretely manifested by the following: you go out on group outings instead of one-on-one dates; she talks about other guys (ones she’s interested in or not); she brings up women she thinks you would like; she talks about future plans, trips and events she’s going to without including you or finding out what you’re doing then.
Up on Friday: More Translations from the Woman-to-Geek Dictionary
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Woman-to-Geek Dictionary, Part Two
More Clues She’s Interested
She reveals personal details early on. Personal details might include emotional events like her parents’ divorce or her last breakup or personal information, such as where she lives. ‘Early on’ is within the first three dates. But don’t put a lot of stock in this one. Some women are naturally very open with anyone about their lives. So look for this clue in conjunction with others.
She initiates contact. She calls you. Calling you back does not count as initiation. Don’t always initiate the first email, the first phone call. Give her a chance to show some effort and you will have a better idea where you stand.
She responds right away to your calls and/or emails. Right away is within 24 hours.
She gives you her home phone number or personal cell number. Or gives you her personal email address--not a crappy hotmail or yahoo account, which she uses for junk mail. But again this is an iffy sign as some women give out personal contact information to anyone.
“I like your tie.” = “I think you’re kind of cute.”
Her pupils dilate when she talks to you. Just be sure that she isn’t a drug addict. Most drugs and alcohol will dilate the pupils. (Heroin is an exception.)
She bats her eyelashes when interacting with you. Humans blink more when they are excited. This is an autonomic reaction and will not seem like the classic, overly dramatic batting of the eyelashes.
She touches or flips her hair.
She makes direct, sustained eye contact.
She wears makeup and cute outfits when you go out. But women are vain and often dress for other women, not the men they are with, so this could be meaningless…
Up on Tuesday: Clues She is Not Interested
She reveals personal details early on. Personal details might include emotional events like her parents’ divorce or her last breakup or personal information, such as where she lives. ‘Early on’ is within the first three dates. But don’t put a lot of stock in this one. Some women are naturally very open with anyone about their lives. So look for this clue in conjunction with others.
She initiates contact. She calls you. Calling you back does not count as initiation. Don’t always initiate the first email, the first phone call. Give her a chance to show some effort and you will have a better idea where you stand.
She responds right away to your calls and/or emails. Right away is within 24 hours.
She gives you her home phone number or personal cell number. Or gives you her personal email address--not a crappy hotmail or yahoo account, which she uses for junk mail. But again this is an iffy sign as some women give out personal contact information to anyone.
“I like your tie.” = “I think you’re kind of cute.”
Her pupils dilate when she talks to you. Just be sure that she isn’t a drug addict. Most drugs and alcohol will dilate the pupils. (Heroin is an exception.)
She bats her eyelashes when interacting with you. Humans blink more when they are excited. This is an autonomic reaction and will not seem like the classic, overly dramatic batting of the eyelashes.
She touches or flips her hair.
She makes direct, sustained eye contact.
She wears makeup and cute outfits when you go out. But women are vain and often dress for other women, not the men they are with, so this could be meaningless…
Up on Tuesday: Clues She is Not Interested
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Woman-to-Geek Dictionary, Part One
Women are complicated creatures. They look for symbolism, nuance, and secret messages in everything the men they are interested in do. This is not because men act in symbolic ways or give off nuanced or ambiguous messages, but because women act in symbolic ways and give off nuanced and ambiguous messages. Women assume that because they themselves do that, men will also. Hence the revelatory nature of the book He’s Just Not that Into You. At least it was a revelation to womankind.
Women also like to lie. Women tell themselves that they are being “nice” or “modest” but what they’re really doing is refusing to be adults and express clearly, and take responsibility for, what they want. In the one case, she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying she isn’t interested and, in the other, she doesn’t want to get her own feelings hurt if you’re not interested in her. And this, as you may have already noticed, is why it is sometimes difficult to tell if a woman likes you. Unless she’s crazy infatuated with you, she is unlikely to flat out tell you she’s interested. And unless you are actively stalking her and it’s freaking her out, she’s unlikely to tell you she’s not interested. And even then, she might call a cop and have the police officer tell you for her.
So how to tell?
Some Clues that She Is Interested
She initiates touch. But pay attention. If she’s touching you on the arm or knee, that’s a pretty good indicator in your favor. But is she that type who hugs everyone? If so, then her touch is meaningless. Sorry.
Physical closeness. “Accidentally” bumping into you.
She smiles when you casually touch her. Let’s not be groping her at this stage. You don’t even know if she likes you. I’m talking about touching her on the shoulder in the course of conversation or touching her back to get around her at a crowded party, etc.
If she asks you “What is the difference between +10 Intelligence and +10 Wisdom?,” she really, really likes you.
Up on Friday: More Clues That She’s Interested
Women also like to lie. Women tell themselves that they are being “nice” or “modest” but what they’re really doing is refusing to be adults and express clearly, and take responsibility for, what they want. In the one case, she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying she isn’t interested and, in the other, she doesn’t want to get her own feelings hurt if you’re not interested in her. And this, as you may have already noticed, is why it is sometimes difficult to tell if a woman likes you. Unless she’s crazy infatuated with you, she is unlikely to flat out tell you she’s interested. And unless you are actively stalking her and it’s freaking her out, she’s unlikely to tell you she’s not interested. And even then, she might call a cop and have the police officer tell you for her.
So how to tell?
Some Clues that She Is Interested
She initiates touch. But pay attention. If she’s touching you on the arm or knee, that’s a pretty good indicator in your favor. But is she that type who hugs everyone? If so, then her touch is meaningless. Sorry.
Physical closeness. “Accidentally” bumping into you.
She smiles when you casually touch her. Let’s not be groping her at this stage. You don’t even know if she likes you. I’m talking about touching her on the shoulder in the course of conversation or touching her back to get around her at a crowded party, etc.
If she asks you “What is the difference between +10 Intelligence and +10 Wisdom?,” she really, really likes you.
Up on Friday: More Clues That She’s Interested
Friday, April 30, 2010
Throwing a Singles Mixer, Part Four
Here’s a sample plan for throwing a party for the anal retentive among you.
Three Weeks Ahead.
*Draft a guest list and gather together the email addresses.
*Send out the invitation. Using Evite is an easy way and it will automatically send a reminder a few days before your event.
A Few Days Ahead.
*Plan your menu and make a grocery list.
*Grocery shop for the items that don’t need to be fresh.
*Pick up extra chairs, if needed.
The Day Before.
*Clean.
*Pick up grocery items that need to be fresh (bread, berries, etc.).
*Prep food that can be done beforehand.
*Dress tables and re-arrange furniture if necessary. Not that you’re necessarily the kind of guy that has throw pillows, but if you do (have them), get rid of the pillows for the duration of the party to allow for more seating.
*Set out an extra roll of toilet paper and clean hand towels.
*Stash valuables, prescriptions, firearms.
Half an Hour Before Party Time.
*Turn on the porch light if your party will extend into hours of darkness.
*Put on music. Set the volume so that someone sitting in the chair nearest a speaker won’t be distracted from the conversation.
*Set out food, and put ice in an ice bucket.
*Chill white wine in the fridge. Take out when the first guests arrive.
*Pre-mix a pitcher of martinis or other mixed drink.
*Set out any refrigerated alcoholic mixers or garnishes: grenadine, lime juice, lemons and limes (with a knife and cutting board), etc.
*Set out a book for mixing drinks if there's no bartender.
*Set out “conversation starters”: “The Book of Questions,” runes/tarot cards (you don’t have to believe any of that crap for it to be fun--get the stick out of your ass), board games, photos.
*Light candles, and turn on any indoor lights that are needed.
When Guests Arrive.
*Take their coats, and tell them where their coats will be located.
*Offer to make them a drink, and show them the lay of the land (where the food/bar is).
*Introduce them to the people who are there (when it’s a small group); if the group has gotten larger, tell the new guest about other attendees that she would be interested to know are there, such as a friend of hers or someone you think she would find interesting.
*Talk to everyone. As the host you have a good excuse to talk to everyone. As a shy person myself, I find hosting a party much easier than attending a party. It isn’t weird/rude for a host to join in (interrupt) any conversation (it *is* your house), and you can easily extricate yourself from dull conversations or dull people with your other host-ly duties. So introduce yourself to the people you don’t know. Ask how they know whomever they came with. An easy default is to talk about the food or drinks. And everyone likes flattery. For more advice on mingling see the blog posts called Moi? Boring? earlier this month as well as the blog posts called What to Say in December 2009 and January 2010.
And that’s all there is to it!
Up next week: Woman-to-Geek Dictionary, Part One
Three Weeks Ahead.
*Draft a guest list and gather together the email addresses.
*Send out the invitation. Using Evite is an easy way and it will automatically send a reminder a few days before your event.
A Few Days Ahead.
*Plan your menu and make a grocery list.
*Grocery shop for the items that don’t need to be fresh.
*Pick up extra chairs, if needed.
The Day Before.
*Clean.
*Pick up grocery items that need to be fresh (bread, berries, etc.).
*Prep food that can be done beforehand.
*Dress tables and re-arrange furniture if necessary. Not that you’re necessarily the kind of guy that has throw pillows, but if you do (have them), get rid of the pillows for the duration of the party to allow for more seating.
*Set out an extra roll of toilet paper and clean hand towels.
*Stash valuables, prescriptions, firearms.
Half an Hour Before Party Time.
*Turn on the porch light if your party will extend into hours of darkness.
*Put on music. Set the volume so that someone sitting in the chair nearest a speaker won’t be distracted from the conversation.
*Set out food, and put ice in an ice bucket.
*Chill white wine in the fridge. Take out when the first guests arrive.
*Pre-mix a pitcher of martinis or other mixed drink.
*Set out any refrigerated alcoholic mixers or garnishes: grenadine, lime juice, lemons and limes (with a knife and cutting board), etc.
*Set out a book for mixing drinks if there's no bartender.
*Set out “conversation starters”: “The Book of Questions,” runes/tarot cards (you don’t have to believe any of that crap for it to be fun--get the stick out of your ass), board games, photos.
*Light candles, and turn on any indoor lights that are needed.
When Guests Arrive.
*Take their coats, and tell them where their coats will be located.
*Offer to make them a drink, and show them the lay of the land (where the food/bar is).
*Introduce them to the people who are there (when it’s a small group); if the group has gotten larger, tell the new guest about other attendees that she would be interested to know are there, such as a friend of hers or someone you think she would find interesting.
*Talk to everyone. As the host you have a good excuse to talk to everyone. As a shy person myself, I find hosting a party much easier than attending a party. It isn’t weird/rude for a host to join in (interrupt) any conversation (it *is* your house), and you can easily extricate yourself from dull conversations or dull people with your other host-ly duties. So introduce yourself to the people you don’t know. Ask how they know whomever they came with. An easy default is to talk about the food or drinks. And everyone likes flattery. For more advice on mingling see the blog posts called Moi? Boring? earlier this month as well as the blog posts called What to Say in December 2009 and January 2010.
And that’s all there is to it!
Up next week: Woman-to-Geek Dictionary, Part One
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Throwing a Singles Mixer, Part Three
The Dos and Don’ts of Party Throwing
Don’ts
*If you decide to go for a theme (retro cocktail party, Hawaiian), don’t insist people dress for it. They’ll never do it unless your acquaintances tend to be especially ovine in their willingness to follow potentially embarrassing instructions (or you live in the Midwest).
*Don’t enforce board-game playing. Leave the games out on a table and let it evolve naturally.
*Don’t put out all the food at once with a long party. Don’t invite children to any party, much less a singles mixer!
*Don’t talk work with co-workers at your party.
*Don’t ignore anyone just because they are not a possible. You’re the host!
Dos
*Do have a place for coats.
*Do entertain with a friend or two to increase attendance, spread cost and allow you time off from hosting duty so you can flirt.
*Do ask guests to bring a dish to share.
*Do hire a bartender if you can afford it.
*Do let the hours of your party cross over times of day. For example, start in the afternoon and go into the evening. Your party is more likely to be attended. It allows people to drop in when they can around other social obligations they might have.
*Do have activities available: board games, group video games. This will keep people there longer, and allows you to get to know people in a way you can’t through conversation.
*Do ask friends to ask friends to ask friends and do invite family (cousins, siblings).
Next time: Planning Your Party
Don’ts
*If you decide to go for a theme (retro cocktail party, Hawaiian), don’t insist people dress for it. They’ll never do it unless your acquaintances tend to be especially ovine in their willingness to follow potentially embarrassing instructions (or you live in the Midwest).
*Don’t enforce board-game playing. Leave the games out on a table and let it evolve naturally.
*Don’t put out all the food at once with a long party. Don’t invite children to any party, much less a singles mixer!
*Don’t talk work with co-workers at your party.
*Don’t ignore anyone just because they are not a possible. You’re the host!
Dos
*Do have a place for coats.
*Do entertain with a friend or two to increase attendance, spread cost and allow you time off from hosting duty so you can flirt.
*Do ask guests to bring a dish to share.
*Do hire a bartender if you can afford it.
*Do let the hours of your party cross over times of day. For example, start in the afternoon and go into the evening. Your party is more likely to be attended. It allows people to drop in when they can around other social obligations they might have.
*Do have activities available: board games, group video games. This will keep people there longer, and allows you to get to know people in a way you can’t through conversation.
*Do ask friends to ask friends to ask friends and do invite family (cousins, siblings).
Next time: Planning Your Party
Friday, April 23, 2010
Throwing a Singles Mixer, Part Two
I covered drinks (of the alcoholic variety) on Tuesday, so on to the food!
Supplies.
Fire extinguisher
Candles and wood for the fireplace if you have one, in case of a power outage
Quickly accessible cleaning supplies for spills
Serving dishes
Napkins, forks, knives, spoons, plates
Food.
Keep it simple. Fancy is not necessary! Avoid foods that will distract you from hosting and mingling--i.e., foods that need to be served hot from the oven. If you must have hot food, invest in a crock pot. Do foods that can be made the day before. And remember: these days, with our crowd, it actually isn’t tacky to suggest that invitees bring something to share.
Do have at least one interesting or fun appetizer, like cupcakes, caramel apples or bacon-wrapped dates stuffed with bleu cheese.
With a larger party like this one, and especially when guests are being encouraged to bring others with them, you don’t want to get caught short on food. Keep a reserve of hors d’oeuvres in the freezer, and keep extra crackers and jarred spreads of various kinds (hummus, tapenade, fig spread) that can be pulled out if need be at the last minute.
Simple Sample Menu.
*Chips (2 bags) and salsa/sour cream dip/guacamole or six layer dip (in a 9x13 baking dish, spread a layer of refried beans, a layer of guacamole--preferably homemade, a layer of a pint of sour cream mixed with chili powder and diced chilies (optional), and top with shredded mozzarella, diced tomatoes and sliced black olives)
*Cupcakes (at least a dozen)
*Cheeses and rosemary flat bread/baguette/water crackers. Select three cheeses: a blue cheese or Stilton with fig spread or marmalade; a soft cheese like brie or triple cream; and an innocuous cheese for the less adventuresome, like Fontina, Gouda or Havarti
*Vegetables, cut up (broccoli, bell pepper, baby carrots, etc.)
*Fresh berries or apples with caramel dipping sauce, or melon wrapped in prosciutto--whatever fruit is in season
If you feel the need to provide more savory items, try cold cuts with condiments and buns, or a fancy salami with crackers, or deviled eggs--everyone likes a deviled egg.
Up on Tuesday: Dos and donts of party throwing.
Supplies.
Fire extinguisher
Candles and wood for the fireplace if you have one, in case of a power outage
Quickly accessible cleaning supplies for spills
Serving dishes
Napkins, forks, knives, spoons, plates
Food.
Keep it simple. Fancy is not necessary! Avoid foods that will distract you from hosting and mingling--i.e., foods that need to be served hot from the oven. If you must have hot food, invest in a crock pot. Do foods that can be made the day before. And remember: these days, with our crowd, it actually isn’t tacky to suggest that invitees bring something to share.
Do have at least one interesting or fun appetizer, like cupcakes, caramel apples or bacon-wrapped dates stuffed with bleu cheese.
With a larger party like this one, and especially when guests are being encouraged to bring others with them, you don’t want to get caught short on food. Keep a reserve of hors d’oeuvres in the freezer, and keep extra crackers and jarred spreads of various kinds (hummus, tapenade, fig spread) that can be pulled out if need be at the last minute.
Simple Sample Menu.
*Chips (2 bags) and salsa/sour cream dip/guacamole or six layer dip (in a 9x13 baking dish, spread a layer of refried beans, a layer of guacamole--preferably homemade, a layer of a pint of sour cream mixed with chili powder and diced chilies (optional), and top with shredded mozzarella, diced tomatoes and sliced black olives)
*Cupcakes (at least a dozen)
*Cheeses and rosemary flat bread/baguette/water crackers. Select three cheeses: a blue cheese or Stilton with fig spread or marmalade; a soft cheese like brie or triple cream; and an innocuous cheese for the less adventuresome, like Fontina, Gouda or Havarti
*Vegetables, cut up (broccoli, bell pepper, baby carrots, etc.)
*Fresh berries or apples with caramel dipping sauce, or melon wrapped in prosciutto--whatever fruit is in season
If you feel the need to provide more savory items, try cold cuts with condiments and buns, or a fancy salami with crackers, or deviled eggs--everyone likes a deviled egg.
Up on Tuesday: Dos and donts of party throwing.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Throwing a Singles Mixer, Part One
Hopefully you took my advice on Friday and had a selfless weekend. This post is about another kind of weekend. You can meet women at parties, so why not throw one of your own?
Even better than a plain old party is the Singles Mixer.
Not on the invite list: any one who is part of a couple. This party is strictly for single people. But, you say, all (or most of ) the single people you know are your friends. Male friends. First, don’t limit yourself to inviting friends. You’ll want at least 30 people on your invite list to make it a successful party, so invite co-workers, cousins, acquaintances, classmates you rarely talk to. Oh, and the rule for each invitee is that they have to bring at least one single person of the opposite gender.
Stocking the Bar
Liquor. The basic types of alcohol that you’ll need are: vodka for martinis--preferably a good vodka like Stoli, lemon vodka (you’re using this for mixing, so a cheap vodka is fine), bourbon (I suggest Maker’s Mark), gin for martinis (preferably a good gin like Bombay Sapphire), and a cheap gin for mixed drinks (not Beefeater cheap--Seagram’s cheap). If you want to add another spirit, vanilla vodka is a good mixing alcohol. Keep the vodka in the freezer.
If your group of friends are wine drinkers, have a bottle of white wine and a bottle of red wine on hand, but there is probably no need to have more than that. Guests love to bring bottles of wine so you’ll not want for wine. Chardonnay is a good standby white wine. I hate it, but most people who drink white wine seem to like it. I prefer a Reisling. A Shiraz or Cabernet is a good standby red wine. I’m not huge on buying expensive wines for parties. Intimate dinner parties, yes. Large mixer parties, no.
You’ll want some basic liqueurs like Triple Sec (or Cointreau if you want to spend a little more), dry vermouth and sweet vermouth.
You’ll also need non-alcoholic mixers: tonic water, club soda (best purchased in the short six packs so it doesn’t go flat like it does in a liter bottle), grenadine, Rose’s lime juice, bitters, lemon juice and orange juice (if you’ll be making screwdrivers or tequila sunrises) and/or cranberry juice (if you’ll be making cosmopolitans). All of these non-alcoholic mixers are available at most grocery stores.
For garnishes, have sugar, maraschino cherries, limes, lemons and large green cocktail olives.
Equipment.
Measuring glass or a shot glass to use for measuring
Ice bucket and tongs
Cocktail glasses. These can be had for cheap at Pier One Imports (or even a thrift store). Martini glasses. Short and tall tumblers. Wine glasses. Please use glass, not plastic. If you must, use plastic for drinks that would go in a tumbler. You must use glass for drinks that go in a martini glass!
Cocktail shaker and a sturdy glass that fits over the top for shaking. The metal tops that come with cocktail shakers are impossible to remove. To see what kind of sturdy glass I’m talking about, watch the bartender at your local bar.
Toothpicks (for the olive garnish)
Corkscrew
Martini pitcher
Cocktail recipe book
The successful host will know how to mix a martini, Manhattan, Lemon Drop, Cosmopolitan, Gin and Tonic, and a Tequila (or Vodka) Sunrise. Surprised by the Tequila Sunrise? They’re really cool looking and I’m trying to bring them back in vogue.
Up on Friday: Feeding the Crowd
Even better than a plain old party is the Singles Mixer.
Not on the invite list: any one who is part of a couple. This party is strictly for single people. But, you say, all (or most of ) the single people you know are your friends. Male friends. First, don’t limit yourself to inviting friends. You’ll want at least 30 people on your invite list to make it a successful party, so invite co-workers, cousins, acquaintances, classmates you rarely talk to. Oh, and the rule for each invitee is that they have to bring at least one single person of the opposite gender.
Stocking the Bar
Liquor. The basic types of alcohol that you’ll need are: vodka for martinis--preferably a good vodka like Stoli, lemon vodka (you’re using this for mixing, so a cheap vodka is fine), bourbon (I suggest Maker’s Mark), gin for martinis (preferably a good gin like Bombay Sapphire), and a cheap gin for mixed drinks (not Beefeater cheap--Seagram’s cheap). If you want to add another spirit, vanilla vodka is a good mixing alcohol. Keep the vodka in the freezer.
If your group of friends are wine drinkers, have a bottle of white wine and a bottle of red wine on hand, but there is probably no need to have more than that. Guests love to bring bottles of wine so you’ll not want for wine. Chardonnay is a good standby white wine. I hate it, but most people who drink white wine seem to like it. I prefer a Reisling. A Shiraz or Cabernet is a good standby red wine. I’m not huge on buying expensive wines for parties. Intimate dinner parties, yes. Large mixer parties, no.
You’ll want some basic liqueurs like Triple Sec (or Cointreau if you want to spend a little more), dry vermouth and sweet vermouth.
You’ll also need non-alcoholic mixers: tonic water, club soda (best purchased in the short six packs so it doesn’t go flat like it does in a liter bottle), grenadine, Rose’s lime juice, bitters, lemon juice and orange juice (if you’ll be making screwdrivers or tequila sunrises) and/or cranberry juice (if you’ll be making cosmopolitans). All of these non-alcoholic mixers are available at most grocery stores.
For garnishes, have sugar, maraschino cherries, limes, lemons and large green cocktail olives.
Equipment.
Measuring glass or a shot glass to use for measuring
Ice bucket and tongs
Cocktail glasses. These can be had for cheap at Pier One Imports (or even a thrift store). Martini glasses. Short and tall tumblers. Wine glasses. Please use glass, not plastic. If you must, use plastic for drinks that would go in a tumbler. You must use glass for drinks that go in a martini glass!
Cocktail shaker and a sturdy glass that fits over the top for shaking. The metal tops that come with cocktail shakers are impossible to remove. To see what kind of sturdy glass I’m talking about, watch the bartender at your local bar.
Toothpicks (for the olive garnish)
Corkscrew
Martini pitcher
Cocktail recipe book
The successful host will know how to mix a martini, Manhattan, Lemon Drop, Cosmopolitan, Gin and Tonic, and a Tequila (or Vodka) Sunrise. Surprised by the Tequila Sunrise? They’re really cool looking and I’m trying to bring them back in vogue.
Up on Friday: Feeding the Crowd
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