Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Speed Dating and Other Places to Meet Women

Speed Dating. Come prepared with interesting questions to ask--not “What do you do for a living”-type questions. Yawn. And not off-the-wall questions that make you sound creepy (“Which serial killer do you find most fascinating?”) or weird (“If you could be any kind of tree, what would you be?”).

Some good questions:

“What job have you either quit or been fired from?”

“Who’s one of your favorite authors/bands/movies?” This one sounds a little generic but can foster some interesting conversation and points of commonality. Be sure to ask it as “one of your favorites.” It always stymies people to make them select their absolute favorite.

“What did you hate (or love) most about high school?”

“Whom did you have a big crush on when you were a kid that you wonder now ‘what was I thinking’?”

If the person looks put on the spot, say “Let me go first” and then give an example while she gets her bearings and can think up a response.

And again, when it comes time at the end of the evening to indicate your preferences, say yes to everyone. Unless she was seriously scary. I don’t care if she bored you or wasn’t pretty enough.

Other Places to Meet Women:

Your neighborhood. Get out and walk!

On Your Way to Work. Take the bus or subway. You’ll see the same people over and over again and, unlike in a coffee shop, you have a reason to sit next to someone, and you can strike up a conversation on the bus without it seeming like you’re on the prowl. Ask about the book she’s reading.

Reunions. No, not family reunions! High school or college reunions. These can be your own reunion, or you can tag along with a friend who is dateless for his.

The Least You Can Do:

Post an online profile.

Practice talking to female acquaintances (at work, on the bus, in your neighborhood) *without* the intention of asking them out. Don’t get all nervous: this is just practice for your small talk skills.

Up on Friday: I’ll be starting a series on The Dating Game (when/how to ask her out, what to wear, etiquette,


  1. Elizabeth, This is a great blog! I write about relationships in the hookup culture, and one thing I really encourage women to do is consider men outside the "Alpha" ranks. Those guys don't want relationships - they're having too much fun hooking up. Geeks are a particular favorite of mine - I married one, and they make the best husbands!


  2. Thanks for stopping by, Susan. You're absolutely right about looking outside the "Alpha" ranks. I think there are a number of strong, independent women who end up looking for their male equivalent (another Type A personality) rather than someone who is their complement--and then they wonder why those relationships don't work. Take heart, geeks, these women will figure it out and start seeking out *you*.