The Competition: The Sensitive Guy

Today I begin writing about the first of two types of men that you may actually be like.

First up, The Sensitive Guy.

Definition: The Sensitive Guy is the kind of man (almost) every woman says she wants. He can be her best friend and her lover.

What He Has that You Don’t: Sensitivity. Communion with his feminine side. Spirituality.

The Type of Women He Attracts: Hippie throwbacks. Acupuncturists. Nice women.

What It Tells You about a Woman if Her Last Boyfriend Was a Sensitive Guy: She’s politically active, has particular dietary needs (e.g., vegetarian or vegan), and you’re not enough of a woman for her.

What to Do to Be More Like Him:

Physical attributes: Wear organic cotton clothes. Have long hair. Wear jewelry (a silver or copper bracelet should do it).

Hobbies: Protest. Hike and camp. Meditate. Read.

Behavior: Listen. Treat everyone as an equal/as a Buddha. Eat vegetarian. Or vegan.

What to Do to Win Over a Woman When He Is Your Main Competition:

These kind of men are very good listeners but often they have more important concerns than his girlfriend’s crappy day at work. The plight of prisoners at Guantanamo will ultimately win out over a relationship for these men. And if it’s not some abstract Cause that takes priority, it’s the depression of a friend or the neediness of a family member that will take away from his time with the woman in his life.

No woman, not even a politically active, bleeding-heart liberal woman, wants always to come second to a Cause or to the other people in his life who are constant screwups.

You have two ways in.

One: get involved with whatever her political cause is (anti-war, pro-choice, eradicating poverty, etc.) *and* make her feel that her “petty” life problems are important, too. Don’t let her belittle her whining about her life and don’t let her get away with constantly bringing the conversation to impersonal, but impassioned, conversations about politics or spirituality. Ask personal questions.

Two: argue with her about her political positions--but only if you really believe the opposite of her (no devil’s advocacy here--she’ll hate that) and only if you actually have well-thought out and cogent arguments. And then still seek to bring the conversation to personal topics in the end. The political and spiritual conversations will get her intellectual passion aroused and if you can get her to associate her intellectual passion with personal conversation she has with you, you have a good chance of intriguing her romantically.

Next week, the last of your competition--and the most threatening: the High-Functioning Geek.