Friday, September 25, 2009

Dating is Not Re-Mothering

No one’s purpose in this world is to shine attention only upon you, ignoring the cute baby in the room, the tiny kitten licking its round striped belly or the skilled raconteur at a party. No one’s purpose in this world is to love you unconditionally. I know, I know, you are finally getting some female attention, and you’re loving it. But don’t forget there is someone else in the relationship. Her. And don’t forget that there are other people in your world outside your relationship. Your friends. Your family.

Geeks, often having had harshly critical parents and having experienced more than once being ostracized from a group, feel the urge to find a place of total acceptance and love. A place where there is no criticism, no challenge to anything you do or say and no requirement that you change in any way. Like an infant held in the arms of a new mother who sees her baby boy as perfect and all she could ever ask for.

This place of total love and acceptance does not exist.

Nor should it.

You have a lot of really annoying behaviors, not the least of which is your narcissism.

As you bask in this new female attention, don’t forget to ask how *her* day was and to fill her Brita water filter if you drink the last of it. Don’t drip on her bathmat if she doesn’t drip on yours. And don’t forget you have friends and that sometimes she comes first, and sometimes, they come first.

Next Friday: Dating is Not Life Out of the Ordinary

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