Dress Me Up, Dress Me Down

So you’ve got you’re grooming down, now what do you wear?

Underwear. Many women spend more money on their bras, panties and lingerie than on the clothes everyone sees. (Yes, that would be me.) Not that you should do that, but it does bespeak the importance that underwear holds for women. Most men: scary in tighty whiteys, especially ones with holes in them. What makes a man think he’s going to get laid again if he shows up in Homer Simpson underwear? Most men: served well by a boxer short or a boxer brief--and not ones in white.

Outerwear. Let’s start with the three dictums of style:

(1) Copy someone else's style (see more below).

(2) Wear things that fit. You‘ve heard of the profession called tailoring, right? Two common errors: pants that are too short (even if you think they're long enough, ask someone else), and shirts that are too baggy. Now if you've got a paunch, we understand the loose fit, but please have the shirt fit in the shoulders--seams should be at your shoulders, not hanging down below them.

(3) Find out what your best color(s) are and wear them! These colors are the ones you get compliments on. You don’t get any compliments? When you go to a department store, pull a bunch of sweaters in different colors and ask the salesperson which are best on you.

Whatever your style, which as you will see does include “dude who does not care,” there are better and worse (read: right and wrong) ways of dressing in that style.

Are you the Dude Who Does Not Care?

Then Emulate: any of the contestants touted as “rockers” on American Idol

Instead of…
Tapered leg
Try...
Straight leg

Instead of...
Light-wash jeans
Try...
Medium-dark wash jeans

Instead of...
Bad glasses (e.g., circular John Lennon lenses--only Johnny Depp can get away with that, lenses that stand more than half an inch away from your face, frames that extend to your cheekbones)
Try...
Stylish glasses (check out the current styles being offered by major designers for ideas, e.g., Dolce and Gabbana)

Instead of...
Oversized t-shirt (e.g., shoulder seams aren’t on your shoulders)
Try...
T-shirt that fits, short sleeve t-shirt layered over long-sleeve t-shirt

Instead of...
Black athletic shoes
Try...
Black Converse

Instead of...
Full beard
Try...
Clean shaven



Do you prefer a Traditional look?

Emulate: Clinton Kelly from “What Not to Wear” or Hugh Grant

Instead of…
Pleated khakis
Try...
Flat-front dress slacks

Instead of...
Blue oxford (Does this guy work at Blockbuster?)
Try...
Stylish button-down with sleeves left unbuttoned (example: Brad Pitt in “Ocean’s Eleven”)

Instead of...
Loafers
Try...
Slip-on Cole Haans


Instead of...
Bad glasses (see above)
Try...
Contacts

Instead of...
Plastered-down hair
Try...
Tousled hair


On Tuesday: The Bohemian and the Larper