Grooming, Part Two

Fingernails. I’m trusting that you clean your fingernails. I’m also assuming if you have long fingernails (nothing disgusts me more but you don’t want to date me) that nothing I say will deter you from this. However, I do want to mention a beautiful thing called a nail file. I personally prefer the metal sandpapery ones to the emery boards and the cross-hatched metal nail files. They seem more effective at getting a smooth nail. Let me put in a few words for the women who enjoy manual stimulation. A nail that’s been torn, chewed or even clipped without having been filed is rough/pointy/scratchy. And a long fingernail ain’t getting anywhere near my--okay, you know what I mean.

Skin. If you have oily skin, use a tea tree oil soap twice daily to wash your face, chest and back. This kind of soap is available at most grocery stores-- Trader Joe’s carries a cheap two-pack. For an occasional facial mask, use one that has bentonite green clay in it, such as Tellurian brand. Use weekly or monthly as needed.

For dry skin, use a moisturizer daily on your face, neck, elbows, heels and hands. Cetaphil is dermatologist recommended and widely available.

Glasses. These can be complicated to select. There are so many styles, colors, shapes, sizes. Get contacts and avoid the whole situation. But if you must, take someone with you whose taste you like (preferably a woman) and have her select the glasses. And trust her. The glasses may seem weird at first but you’ll get used to them.

Other Grooming Details. Because it’s yourself there may be things you don’t notice that others will. Like ear wax. Like bad breath. Like stinky feet. Like dandruff. Assume you have these things because you do. Everyone does. Do something about it. Clean your ears every day. See a dentist regularly and use mouthwash. Cut your toenails--they trap dirt and toejams. Use a dandruff shampoo.

Use a tooth whitener once a year, such as Crest Whitestrips. And get your teeth fixed if they are crooked or you’re missing teeth.

If you have shoes you’ve owned for more than a year, throw the shoes out. They are smelly beyond redemption. Side note on clothes: if you have a coat that you haven’t washed in more than a year, even if you can’t detect it, it smells bad.

On Friday: Dress Me Up, Dress Me Down