Learn how to soothe yourself and your partner.
Do you know what calms you down emotionally? If you don’t, you need to figure it out so you can have emotional conversations.
You also need to find out what helps your partner to calm down. Are there things you do in a fight that cause her emotional distress, e.g., talking too loudly or yelling, bringing up sensitive topics without inoculating (e.g., warning her that something bad/upsetting/possibly hurtful is coming)? Are there things you could do that would help her calm down? Give her a massage, hold her hand, don’t touch her at all, lie in bed naked while you fight, etc.
Next Tuesday: I begin a series on Things to Say and Not Say During a Fight