Fighting Styles

The Debater. The Debater, a common style for the higher-functioning geek, likes to argue. He enjoys the fireworks, the mental challenge, the energy of a fight. Like the Compromiser, he is open and direct about what he thinks, feels and wants. Unlike the Compromiser, where resolution is the goal, the fight itself is the goal for a Debater. Conflicts don’t often get resolved with the Debater. Debaters get along with other Debaters, Compromisers and Yielders.

The plus: Passion and fireworks. And you always know where you stand with a Debater. Also, individuality does not get subsumed in intimate relationships between Debaters.

The minus: The individual will not bend for the benefit of the couple.

The Winner (subset of the Debater). The Avoider’s opposite, the Winner, is the second most common geek conflict style. The Winner is a subcategory of the more emotionally stable Debater. The Winner, like the Debater, relishes conflict in all arenas of his life, intellectual, emotional, at work, at home, with family, with friends, you name it. But unlike the Debater, who enjoys the process of argument, the Winner enjoys the end product of the argument only if he “wins.” All statements, particularly categorical ones, are up for debate, and conflict energizes him. The Winner, surprisingly, enjoys being with other Winners, especially initially. The insecure Winner also gets along with Yielders, but Yielders, though likely to stay with the relationship, won’t be happy over the long term in a relationship with a Winner. Winners also get along with Debaters--for a while anyway.

The plus: These relationships tend to be very passionate and Winners are very honest with their partners.

The minus: They are very honest with their partners… and they always have to win. Their partners tend to end up resenting them, and with any amount of ego development, those partners leave.

Up on Friday: Fighting style wrap-up.