Friday, October 23, 2009

Dating is Not Easy

Dating is not easy for anyone--with the rare exception whom I’ve never met but could imagine exists.

The fun parts are browsing online profiles, flirting at parties, being set up (but not necessarily the actual date itself), and finding someone you like who returns your affections.

The hard parts are:

*Writing your online profile
*Walking up to a stranger in whom you’re interested and initiating conversation
*Embarrassing yourself in front of a woman you like
*Asking for a woman’s phone number
*Calling a woman for the first, second, third time
*Asking a woman out
*Being rejected
*Not meeting anyone who’s single!
*Being turned into a friend by a woman you have a serious crush on
*Going on a first date
*Going on a second date
*Leaning in for that first kiss
*Having sex for the first time
*Breaking up
*Having to start the whole process over and over and over again

You will not find the woman of your dreams by doing nothing. You will have to risk rejection, embarrassment and a broken heart. It will take time, a lot of dates that go nowhere and a lot of blows to the ego before you’ll be in a relationship.

And dating someone who has become your girlfriend isn’t easy either. Maybe when you’re in the “in love” stage it seems easy and perfect. This enthralled state is mediated by hormones--the same as the kind released during childbirth. It’s good for the species. It serves an evolutionary purpose. But when that purpose has been fulfilled, the “in love” feelings go away. It’s as hard, just in different ways, to be in a relationship as it is to be single. You may prefer the kinds of problems that come with a relationship to the ones that come with being single, but there is still work to be done. If your relationship is easy, I’ll be willing to bet that your relationship is lacking intimacy.

Or she’s having an affair.

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