Where Do You Meet Them?

Though there are many tasks to take care of (the way you dress, the look of your place, how to hold up your end of an interesting conversation, how to compete with certain types of guys, etc.), today I’ll plunge into the deep end and begin writing about where to find women to date.

If you haven’t done a lot of dating, you need to say yes to everyone. Because you are practicing and you might as well date anyone who will have you. I’ve said it before and I’ll repeat it here: better to practice and screw up with someone you don’t care all that much about. I know way too many guys who have little experience dating, and now they are in their thirties and think “I’ve got to find The One” (whether that means The One to marry or The One to be a girlfriend), and with this in mind, they go to a speed-dating event and, at the end of the night, choose only one or two girls that they think are really intriguing instead of saying yes to all of them. Or they get a response to their personal ad from a girl who’s “too fat,” “not attractive,” or “likes ‘Star Trek’ more than I do--what a weirdo.”

This is the wrong attitude.

Unless she says things like “between you and I,” “What’s so great about ‘Firefly’?” or “I once lit my cat on fire because I was bored.”

Women are everywhere. Sure, there are certain parts of the country where the statistics are against you (Alaska being the worst, and the Pacific Northwest also not great). But generally the statistics are in your favor. There are more females than males even at birth and the odds only get better as you get older--as long as you survive. Males are the weaker sex, after all. More likely to be miscarried. Shorter life spans. Like I said, weaker.

Bars, Coffee Houses, etc. I am not a huge advocate of picking up women in bars, coffee houses, the beach or anywhere else where you’re engaging in what amounts to “cold calling.” You don’t know anything about her. She doesn’t know anything about you. Unless you’re the type of guy who makes a great first impression (and how many of us is that?), the likelihood of getting a date is slim. Most women ( not all!) do not want to be picked up even if you do seem interesting to them. Every woman knows a serial killer can be very charming on first meeting. No thanks. We’d rather meet you in safer ways. Ask yourself: how many couples do you know who met in a bar? I can name exactly one. And they’re lesbians.

Parties. Parties, on the other hand, are excellent places to meet new people. Woman feel safer in this environment because she at least knows someone who knows someone who knows you, she has a chance to see how you interact with others and find out what others think of you. Having all this information makes us more willing to go out with someone we haven’t met before that evening. Never say no to a party. You’ve been invited to a Halloween party (or two) to go to. Don’t back out because the only costume you have is Niels Bohr and no one ever gets who you are. Go!

Next Friday: Blind dates, church, work, and hobbies.