Friday, January 22, 2010

The Competition: The A**hole/Loser/Addict/Abuser

The third type of man that could be your potential competition in the world of dating is the Loser.

The A**hole/Loser/Addict/Abuser.

Definition: He’s utterly egotistical. The feelings, wants and needs of others are of no consequence to him. He’s a user: of people and/or controlled substances.

What He Has that You Don’t: Ability to accept himself as he is.

The Type of Women He Attracts: Women with low self-esteem. Women who are rescuers/martyrs.

What It Tells You about a Woman if Her Last Boyfriend Was an A**hole/Loser/Addict/Abuser: She needs to be rescued--from low self-esteem and/or from a crappy life situation.

What to Do to Be More Like Him:

Physical attributes: Lose weight. Dress casually, always in jeans and t-shirts.

Hobbies: Use drugs. Drink.

Behavior: Make fun of people. Hit things. Break things.

What to Do to Win Over a Woman When the Asshole/Loser/Addict/Abuser Is Your Main Competition:

You want to seem like you need rescuing while still being cool. You might get her to sleep with you once if you come off as pathetic (“I’m still a virgin at thirty”), but you’re not going to get more sex than that or more relationship than that. There has to be something in you that she sees as hip. It’s difficult to pull off if you aren’t a heroin-addicted bass player. So unless she’s in a place where she recognizes *her* need to be rescued, you’re probably out of luck. If she *is* in a place where she wants to be rescued, just being nice to her will actually work. If it doesn’t work, she hasn’t hit bottom yet. You can wait in the wings for that to happen and swoop in with a dinner invite. You pay. Bring flowers but not roses. They’re overkill on a first date. Try a single Gerbera daisy.

On Tuesday, The Charmer.


  1. Okay, you did say you were starting with types we'd probably not want to emulate, but I still find these rather jarring, in part because I'm also left wondering why I'd want to pursue the women attracted to these types. I suppose these types are "the competition" in that they might also pull women who are actually worthwhile, but really it seems like there could be less said about these guys—we can identify them pretty easily, and they have little to offer for inspiration—and more said about identifying the women who fall for them and why it's not a good idea to pursue them.

  2. Good insights, Phil. I appreciate the comments. Yes, best not to emulate these guys. The problem comes when you have a guy friend who's totally hung up on one of these women and really wants her to "see the light" and date him and won't stop mooning over her... And, of course, I am talking in stereotypes here and some of these women, while definitely having some issues, aren't all bad. But, yes, the advice of "move on" definitely comes into play often...