Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Competition: The Charmer

With the Charmer, I move into talking about rivals whom you might actually want to be like.

The Charmer.

Definition: He’s suave. He’s good looking. He orders his martinis shaken, not stirred.

What He Has that You Don’t: Social skills. Good looks. Fashionable wardrobe. Great body. A cool car.

The Type of Women He Attracts: 20somethings.

What It Tells You about a Woman if Her Last Boyfriend Was a Charmer: She’s too young for you.

What to Do to Be More Like Him:

Physical attributes: Dress better. Work out. Perfect your smile (braces, whitening).

Hobbies: Dance (club dancing and swing dancing). Play guitar. Sing. Write songs/poetry (no prerequisite for them being good.

Behavior: Talk primarily with women. Flirt/smile all the time. Have lots of female friends.

What to Do to Win Over a Woman When the Charmer Is Your Main Competition:

You’re likely screwed if she’s already enamored with a Charmer. Even if he spurns her, she will still be infatuated with him for a year or so and not be interested in going out with anyone else. And, no, trying to be her shoulder to cry on will in no way work.

If she hasn’t totally fallen for him, though, you can edge out the charmer by being more available. Charmers typically have a number of possibles in their lives. Show her she has no competition with you. This can be a dangerous move--it could make you seem unattractive--but it is a necessary move. If you want to be devious, set things up so that she sees *her* competition flirting with *your* competition, the Charmer. The more unavailable he seems, the more interested she will be in you--provided you are a Sensitive Guy. Sensitive Guys are the less socially adept, but more spiritually deep, version of the Charmer. I’ll write about the Sensitive Guy next Tuesday.

Up on Friday, the Adventurer.


  1. Now here, I think a lot more could be said about your note "she's too young for you". First, that seems to be a new presumption about your target audience. Second, what do you really mean by that? Is it to be taken literally, in reference to her actual physical age? Is it metaphorical, meaning that her perspective/behavior is still kind of immature? If I were a twenty-something geek, would she still be too young for me? And again, I find there's something of a disconnect between "she's too young for you" and advice on how to win her over; not as great a disconnect as with the previous types, where the women seemed as bad as the men, but still I wonder a bit why I'm being told how to pursue someone that I've been told isn't right for me. (You understand of course I'm speaking in general for the reader, not specifically about myself.)

  2. I do mean both chronologically and emotionally in these cases.

    Yes, the too young comment might not be applicable to a younger twentysomething. Actually, it might not even be applicable to geeks older than that who haven't dated much. It's not a bad idea for an older but inexperienced geek to date younger than his chronological age (even ten plus years younger). And the kind of woman attracted to the charmer is likely a lot of fun. Okay, what the heck, you should really go for it with these women. :)