Friday, September 24, 2010


Here’s the bad news: what some women prefer, others don't, and what some women don't like, others can't get enough of. And, oh, yeah, the same woman can *not* want the same thing she loved the last time you did it.

The good news: you can always resort to (surprise!) asking her what she likes. I know this concept is novel, but it actually works. Except with the woman who doesn’t know what she wants until you help her discover it...

While I do plan on writing about technique, remember that a woman is not a car engine, and she doesn’t want to be treated like a machine that needs to be figured out. Focusing on technique distances you from your partner. You may be stimulating her breasts exactly right according to some article you read in Maxim, but if you aren’t paying attention to how she is reacting in that moment to the stimulation, you may be annoying her.

Connect to your partner. Pay attention to the moment. And to her. *That* is what is important—not some suave technique.

You may be nervous, or you may be so tuned in to your own orgasm that you have your eyes closed the whole time you’re making love. Open your eyes. Look at your partner during sex. She doesn’t want to be your masturbation toy, and she doesn’t want to think that you could be picturing someone else behind those closed eyes while you’re inside her.

The keys to being a great lover?

1. Act confident (even when you aren't confident).

2. Approach her and your lovemaking with curiosity. You don't need to “know” everything. Learning about each other through the process is fun and creates more intimacy than diving in and doing it the way you were told to by some supposedly very experienced friend (male or female).

3. Be present with her in the moment.

I will repeat this again: being a great lover is not about "perfect" technique or an encyclopedic range of "moves" or vast amounts of experience. It's about being present and connected.

Up next: The Basics

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