Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Myth 2: “If We’re Meant to Be, It Will Happen”

Myth Two: “If we’re meant to be, it will happen.”

I can hear you snorting. You’re thinking “No one believes that.”

Okay, so maybe you don’t say “Fate will take care of itself.” Maybe what you do say is “Why should I [enroll in a cooking class, learn to swing dance, go wine tasting, or any other activity friends and family have suggested that I do in order to meet women]? If she’s right for me our paths will cross naturally.”

This is the same thing as saying “If we’re meant to be, it will happen.”

Also, about your paths and them naturally crossing? Well, they haven’t so far.

What this belief is really about, of course, is not Destiny or Divine Providence.

It’s about having an excuse not to do anything different in your life.

I can hear your wounded ego repeating to itself “But I am good enough as I am. I am good enough as I am.” To admit that you need to do something different does not mean you’re not good enough as you are. (Except, of course, you’re not. Get over it.) And it does not mean your whole life to this point has been wrong. (But you are wrong about some things.) Being proud of being a geek is great. Loving your hobbies and not being ashamed of role playing, buying computer programming manuals for your light summer reading and watching sci-fi is as it should be.

But being a socially well-adapted person and being a geek are not mutually exclusive. It is not a moral stand to refuse to deign to keep abreast of mainstream culture. Nor is it a stand on principle to wear ugly, out-of-fashion eyeglasses. You have an unusual position in culture. You can take the best of geek culture and the best of mainstream society and blend the two to become the ideal High-Functioning Geek.

The advice: Take the damn cooking class your mom has been bugging you about.

Next up: Myth 3, “Someone Really Cool Will Want to Date Me.”


  1. More good advice. When the big social event we're looking forward to every week involves the same 5 guys every Sunday, it's kind of hard to meet girls.

    A self-titled 'Ladies Man' once told me that in order to meet girls you have to alter your routine enough to actually include the possibility. I try to do something once a week where I'll be forced to talk to a number of girls. Classes are good. Groups are good. You'll think of something.

    The grocery store doesn't count because it's too easy to see that cute girl, yet not want to "bother her" by saying hello. You gotta get someplace where interaction is part of the event. Meetup.com makes it pretty easy to find stuff like this. My local area has 3 different movie Meetups and with dinners before or after the show, they've been pretty social.

    Elizabeth, why not open this advice up to girls too? All the girl geeks I've known were firm believers in your first three myths. Your advice may not be as guy focused as you think.

  2. I think you're right about the advice being more universal--except when we get to the sexual stuff...

  3. I wonder how this blog thing works. But if this post goes through than it would seem to be a lot simpler than it sounds, which is a great benefit for me. But aside from that, I just had to say something about this post. I like it. I like it because it negates excuses for men to wait for the "one" like life was some hopeless romantic comedy. Well, we all know how romantic comedies end...full of bs! ahahahahah.