Friday, August 7, 2009

Myth 3: “Someone Really Cool Will Want to Date Me”

Myth Three: “Someone really cool will want to date me”

The hip goth chick you keep seeing at your friend’s parties. The hot twenty-two year old barista. Kate Beckinsale.

You see, I say it to myself too. Maybe Clive Owen would want to date me if he got to know me. I’m smart, funny (usually unintentionally but he won’t have to know that), and while I’m not usually the prettiest woman in the room (unless I’m the only female there), I’m also not usually the ugliest woman in the room (unless I’m the only female there). But he probably wouldn’t date me.

The reason is twofold. First, Clive Owen is better than me. He is richer, more talented and better looking. Also cooler. I have nothing to offer him that he cares about. So be it.

Second--make note of this--Clive Owen probably doesn’t ultimately have anything to offer me that I truly care about. Except the money. And the fame. And the increase to my cool factor. But let’s put that aside…

The hot barista is unimpressed with your memorization of a hundred digits of pi. The goth chick doesn’t want to talk about Nova speculations on how the world will end. Tricia Helfer isn’t interested in how the social dynamics of your Wednesday night game group are a microcosm of what’s wrong in the world.

The reality is those women don’t have anything going for them that makes them a good match for you. Their intellect doesn’t match yours. Their idea of a great weekend is nothing akin to your idea. These women you find yourself attracted to are all surface or too into following the antics of the Famous and Pathetic or simply interested in things you’re not.

The advice: Face it. You will never be cooler than you are right now.

And you’re not so bad. You‘re reading this blog.

Up next: “My life will be perfect when I am with someone.”


  1. I'm sorry I have to strongly disagree with this: Clive Owen is NOT better than you, nor is he better than me.

    Is he better looking than me? Not according to my wife and not according to me - and that's all that matters. More talented - at some things yes, but I've got talents he'll never have.

    Yes - there are people who will never be impressed with me, but that's there loss. I'm not dating, but I think I can still offer advice to those who are, and the first thing I would say is value yourself for who you are. There is no one better than you anywhere. There are people who don't appreciate what you have to offer, but they aren't worth your time anyway.

    Having said that I strongly agree with the sentiment that you will be much happier with a girl who shares your interests, or a girl who thinks on your level. A girl who's into appearance, wealth and fame is not right for you - to be honest she'll probably bore you. My advice - set your sights higher, aim for girls who can think for themselves ;)

  2. Far be it from me to argue with someone who says Clive Owen is not better than me! :) (A bit of hyberbole on my part to say he's "better"--a lame attempt to be funny!) You're absolutely right that while Clive has some things we don't, he, of course, lacks qualities and talents we have. (And, I *think*, my paramour would also say I'm better looking than Clive!)

  3. The "better" thing is a bit loaded... if your friends didn't rush to your defense, then we (or they, since I haven't seen you in a while (although I AM your Facebook friend, so I'll stick with "we")) wouldn't be very good friends, would we?

    With that being said, I salute your willingness to detach subjectivity from objectivity. We are all the centers of our own universe (even when we make the decision to give our lives for something or someone) and it's difficult for us to accept that we really can't be the President of the United States when we grow up.

    Clive Owen is better than I am. Not at writing and not at many things, but if we both (even setting aside each of our massive amounts of money and accolades) walk into a room together, he's going to pull the hotter chicks. Unless we walk into a room together holding hands, and then he'd pull the hotter dudes.

    That's OK. I can say he's better than I am at meeting/picking up girls. I can say he's better than me, then, because it's within the context of your blog. Is he better than I am at KEEPING a girl? That's another question.