I’ll admit that this is very tricky for men. It would make things much easier if women were the ones who did all the initiating. A woman can pretty much count on any given man being willing to kiss her and/or have sex with her, so she risks very little in the way of rejection by being the first to propose this.
On the other hand, a man can not assume that any given woman will want to kiss him (much less have sex with him). In fact, he should assume she doesn’t want to sleep with him.
But he should try to kiss her. How are you going to know unless you try? (I guess you could ask but, geez, where’s the passion in that?)
It’s a crappy deal for men. You’re the ones who are more likely to get rejected and yet you will often have to be the initiator of the first kiss. It may be backward, sexist, stupid and unfair but the fact remains that most of the time, the man has to lean in first. You may get slapped, you may get a cheek instead of lips. Then again, she might kiss you back.
No, it does not matter whether you know if she’s interested or not. You will never be certain enough. It will not be obvious to you that she wants you to kiss her. There are signs, sure. And she may even be the one to lean in first. But don’t assume she ever will. She’s not playing games (stay tuned for Myth Eleven) or even just being coy. Like you, she wants to know you’re interested. I know, I know, I said a woman is guaranteed to be kissed back. But most women don’t know that or they don’t believe it in that precise moment.
Another word of warning: if a woman does touch you first (hug you, kiss you, etc.), it does not mean she wants to have sex with you or bear your children. Geeks can over-interpret female touch. Because she hugs you doesn’t even mean she ever wants to see you again. Some women hug everyone.
The advice. Try to kiss her.
Up next: Myth Eight, “Women are a different species”