Friday, August 14, 2009

Myth 5: “The Interesting Women Only Date A**holes/Charmers/Good-Looking Guys/Guys with Money”

When will this myth die already? Okay, I’ll admit in college I dated an a**hole. My brother referred to him as the long hair with the big ego.

But he was so dreamy. He had the softest chocolate-brown hair, rode a motorcycle, and played the bass in a grunge band (it was the early nineties). True, he would show up at my apartment and assume I was spending the weekend with him even when I already had plans with my friends. And, of course, I ditched my friends--I’m lucky they were still around when he and I finally broke up. And dating him meant I never did go out with his roommate, who was an English major, a poet and volunteered at the food bank. A nice guy. He was probably perfect for me. Damn. I really screwed that up. I wonder if he’s still single?

But, give me a break, I was twenty! (Twenty-two.) And, okay, some women don’t age out of that until they’re twenty-five. Okay, okay, so there are some women who never do age out of that phase. The women you see dating those a**holes/charmers are not the women you want to be attracting anyway. I am not just crying sour grapes. These women are either too young or too broken.

Maybe the real issue is less about women’s poor taste in men than it is about the fear that you can’t attract a woman of quality. Men are so complicated. First you think you can date the hottest, smartest woman in the room and then you think the only women you can snag are ones who are dumber, uglier and geekier (is that possible?) than you are. Will you make up your mind?

Let me break it to you: maybe you can’t attract the kind of woman you want. Right now. And not because you aren’t a good match for such women. And *not* because if she got to know you, she wouldn’t be interested. But maybe your social skills (lack thereof) are getting in the way. Maybe your lack of experience picking up women is stopping you. These are learnable skills and I'll be covering them as this blog goes on so that you will be able to attract the kind of woman you really want to date.

The advice: Keep reading this blog. In a few weeks, we’ll discuss concrete ways to overcome social anxiety and build self-esteem.

Next time: Myth Six, “If we fight or experience conflict, the relationship is doomed/over”

1 comment:

  1. I was a FIRM believer in this myth. As I've gotten older though, I realized all those girls were dating the assholes and the charmers for one reason: Confidence.

    It's far less about who I am and what I do than it is about how comfortable I am with the first two things. In my experience, girls like a guy that knows who is, knows what he wants, and isn't afraid to pursue them. THAT'S what those a**holes have that the rest of us usually don't. That's the ONLY thing.